the casting on couch

send all of your money give me all of your money

2009-04-22T20:47:00.002-04:00

I did this last year, but I'm crazy enough to do it again.

Crazy Lady has multiple sclerosis, and it's getting worse (as MS is wont to do). I'm going (with a "new friend") to Maine this weekend to the Second Annual Team Awesome! Walks in the Maine MS Walk in Honor of My Mother Weekend.

I know it's short notice and money is tight, but I think a minimum donation is only $5 on the website. So, I'm running a contest!

Everyone who gives money for my MS Walk will be entered into a drawing for some prizes:

Fabulous Artsygal sock yarn from my personal stash, which I believe comprises something like 60%+ of all of the yarn Jas has ever dyed (there may be multiple skanks to multiple winners here; and

A $25 gift certificate to Artsygal's online store.

In addition, everyone who donates any amount of money will receive a coupon code good for 10% off an order at Artsygal's online store through June 30, 2009.

Glorious Artsygal yarn....

Go here to donate to Team Awesome! Then post in the comments or send me an email and let me know that you donated.

And thanks!

when i'm with you i can't control myself

2009-03-07T08:57:00.007-05:00

Lookit me, I'm on a roll! I got my knitting mojo back! I finished a pair of socks! I can't stop ending my words in exclamations!Deets:

Official Ravelry Yarn Name: Schachenmayr nomotta Regia Design Line Kaffe Fassett
Name Everyone Else Calls Yarn: Regia Kaffe Fassett
Made for: my giant feet
Pattern: made up by me out of elements of a lot of different patterns.
Ravelry link to project: here
I started these in December, and then put them down shortly after I finished the toe on the first sock. Then I picked them up again February 26th, and finished them.They are gloriosity. I am in love.

Yes, I am obsessed with stripes lately.

tell me that i'm not in the blue oh that i'm not wastin' my feelings on you

2009-02-23T11:03:00.006-05:00

And yes, after back and rib and ankle and what-have-you problems, I have, officially, completed the qiviut/merino/silk laceweight hat. and a top view.Details are on Ravelry but I loosely used (and greatly modified) a free Rav download pattern (which had some errors, hence the mods, and the designer told me there were no errors, which, huh? the math didn't add up at all, but whatevs), size 0 (or 00?) needles. One ball of Windy Hill Luxury Blend, with is 45% quiviut, 45% merino, and 10% silk, color natural. I have about 10 or so yards leftover of the ball, which irritates me because now I know I could have added another 1/2" to the length.

At least finishing this has gotten me back my knitting mojo.

now i know the score don't need you anymore don't want you cause you're a bore

2008-12-31T21:38:00.001-05:00

My marriage.

January 8, 2001 - December 31, 2008

R.I.P.

and here am i facing tomorrow alone in my sorrow

2008-12-26T17:56:00.001-05:00

You know those times when nothing you say or do comes out the way you want it to and you just want to crawl into a hole and hide and have nobody talk to you only you can't because you aren't alone and people expect you to be happy and cheerful and emotionless?

tell me why tell me why is it hard to make arrangements with yourself when you're old enough to repay but young enough to sell

2008-12-11T17:32:00.003-05:00

Someone tell me why I'm making a 2x2 ribbed hat on size 00 needles with 188 stitches using Windy Hill Luxury Blend or whatever it's called (qiviut, merino and silk) using magic loop.

No, really. Please. Someone. Explain. Because I want to know. Why am I doing this?

what it is i'm always thinkin' 'bout i'll have the usual

2008-12-09T13:24:00.002-05:00

Why is it so hard to find a pattern for a standard, stockinette with ribbed edging, approximately 44" bust cardigan with a gauge of 18/4"? I've spent days knitting and frogging and knitting and frogging and knitting and frogging. Crazy Lady picked out some Brooks Farms Riata at Rhinebeck and wants a cardigan with pockets. I made the pockets as gauge swatches. I'm now on the sleeves. Over and over again. (insert picture here. I'd put one up but Crazy Lady is currently using my Flickr account and I can't remember how to access my .Mac account and I have a migraine right now.)

Anyway. My solution? A ribbed, cardiganized version of the Ella Rae T-Shirt Sweater. Here's hoping it works.

i got stripes stripes around my shoulders i got chains chains around my feet

2008-11-26T01:08:00.002-05:00

Okay, I know I've only finished one. But I feel like I've finished two.Yarn: Artsygal Striping 3 Ply Merino. One skank of two, both totaling approximately 470 yards, so this sock took about 235 yards. Toe up, gusset, short row heel, calf shaping, ribbed, blah blah blah.

put it away you can't take it away 'cause i won't give it away

2008-11-20T21:52:00.009-05:00

How to get new bookcases:

1. Do nothing for over a year. Leave everything either still packed, or, when it comes time to unpack things, dump the box on the floor as necessary. Claim that it's not possible to clean because you have no furniture, and therefore nowhere to put anything.

2. When your manager offers you four bookcases from her flooded out basement in July, accept them eagerly, because you have no furniture, and you really, really need furniture, so you have somewhere to put things.

3. When it rains really hard three weeks after the offer and you still haven't gotten around to schlepping over to your manager's house to get the bookcases, and your manager tells you that one of the bookcases is now broken due to the torrential downpour, tell her that it's a sign that you were only meant to have three bookcases.

4. Plan to get the bookcases that weekend.

5. Discover that every available large vehicle in a 250 miles radius is booked that weekend.

6. When your manager tells you that her daughter has taken one of the remaining bookcases, tell her that's fine, and that it's a sign that you were only meant to have two bookcases.

7. Three weeks later, be too unable to get it together enough to get the damn bookcases.

8. Determine (six weeks later) that you ABSOLUTELY WILL get the bookcases when your manager is in Ireland.

9. Go over to your manager's house to look at the bookcases before your manager is in Ireland.

10. Walk the yard with your manager's husband to discover the big hole where he sprained his ankle to ensure that you will not sprain your ankle while you get the bookcases while he and your manager are in Ireland.

11. Realize on Thursday afternoon that your manager and her husband are due back from Ireland tomorrow and that you still haven't gotten the damn bookcases.

12. Tell #11 to a coworker and friend who is convinced the bookcases will fit (one at a time) in the trunk of her sedan and that you will move the bookcases (one at a time) tonight, Thursday, after work, despite the fact that you are (I am) wearing a sexy little tweed minidress with tights and 2" heels and she is wearing silk slacks and a silk shirt and a blazer with 2" heels.

13. Leave work really late with said coworker and get stuck in horrendous Virginia traffic after work, so as to not arrive to the manager's house until about 8 PM. Do not change clothes. Do not remove work ID badges. Do not dress warmly in the 30 degree weather. Do not take time to use the restroom. Do call and leave message on manager's home machine on the way, just in case, stating that bookcases are being taken. Do remember to grab an industrial sized flashlight from work. Sneak around the side of the house, which has been empty for two weeks, with your industrial sized flashlight. Watch the neighbors turn on their lights and come outside to watch you. Remove tarps from bookcases. Measure. Go back to car. Measure inside of trunk. Go back to side of house with flashlight. Measure again. Remove shelves from bookcases. Carry shelves to car. Open trunk and lower car seat. Leave trunk open. Carry bookcase around side of house to trunk of car. Wrestle bookcase into car. Realize bookcase will not fit into car trunk by 1/2". Realize that five neighbors are watching by this time. Giggle madly. Try not to giggle loudly enough so that gawking neighbors can hear. Wrench bookcase out of car trunk, where by this time it is wedged in. Carry it back around the side of the house. Put tarp back over it. Drop brick on head in process. Guffaw out loud. Run to car. Realize left industrial sized flashlight stolen from work at the scene of the crime. Get out of car and run back to collect evidence. Run back and get in car, taking only shelves. Laugh like loons on the way out of the subdivision, calling manager's voicemail back and leaving a message sounding something like: "Uh, hi, uh, hahahahah (shhhhh stop laughing) so uh we weren't heheh (shhh) we are really good records managers? hahahahahaa but really bad thieves? because your neighbors were watching us trying to take the bookcases and were almost ready to (stop laughing you're going to make me laugh again!) call the police on us and uh, we failed at stealing the bookcases although we did take the shelves, there was an incident with um, space planning, which, uh, i guess hahahaaha means we're actually really bad records managers now that i think about it but uh so we'll be back on saturday after we've revised our space planning a bit, okay so ktxbai hahahah." (Realize police car passing you is probably the one one of the neighbors called on you.)

14. Stop at nearest restaurant. Order and drink three dirty martinis and a filet mignon.

15. Go home. Bring four wooden planks upstairs.

You now have shelves, of a sort.

i'd pay any price just to get you i'd work all my life and i will to win you i'd stand naked stoned and stabbed

2008-11-03T09:16:00.004-05:00

Fuck.

My car is broken. $5,000 not covered under warranty broken. Well, maybe it's covered if I blow the car guy. The kind of guy who's all creepy and icky and like the Whole Foods fish counter guy and the DHL guy who comes into the UPS Store when I'm trying to flirt with the guy who works there and the Giant deli counter guy and...you know the type. Just...leave me the fuck alone no you can't have my number go away I won't be your girlfriend I won't be your baby momma I know you already have a girlfriend kind of guy.

So I woke up at too fucking ass crack early o'clock in the morning on Saturday after a really weird fucking week so I could live in-person absentee ballot vote which required me to take public transportation so I figured, get there at 8:30 AM, wait in some sort of respectable line, take public transportation back, get a manicure, have the rest of my day.

I go to Metro's website, get their directions, including walking directions from where the bus drops me off. I get on the bus, tell the bus driver I'm getting off at Anderson and Chain Bridge. He says okay, he'll let me off there. The bus is, I note, good at pre-announcing the stops.

Until Anderson and Chain Bridge, which it announces...as it passes Chain Bridge. And the guy doesn't stop. So I pull the chain and the thing says "Stop Requested" and the guy is ZOOMING along and I walk to the front and I say, "Oh, I guess I missed the Andersona nd Chain bridge stop" and thed guy says "yeah, it was back there" - no "oh, sorry I forgot" or anything, I have no idea where I am. Whatever.

The guy zooms around the corner onto Dolley Madison, and other people are pulling the chain, and the guy...RACES past the next stop. DOUCHE. So I go, "HEY!" and he says "What?" and I was like, "We had requested the stop!" and the guy SCREECHES to a stop, in the middle of a divided highway, almost causing an accident. And we all get off and I consult my handy-dandy directions which say "walk NE on Dolley Madison for .76 mi" and lo and behold, Dolley Madison is a divided highway mother fuckers, Metro is trying to kill me, cars racing past me, almost no shoulder, almost got hit, but I finally made it, stood in line, voted, left, missed the buss back, caught a bus in the other direction, and the dude was like the aforementioned creepy dude who refused to let me off until I agreed to go out with him, I told him my name was Debbie (Vitriola? ring any bells?) and ran out of there, and what the fuck? How am I a magnet for these losers?

And why should voting be so hard?

Also, I knit a hat. Things people call a toque. I think that word's stupid, sorry.It's not for me. It's black. I think you can see that, probably. Cascade 220. Softer than normal Cascade 220. Maybe the black is softer? Anyway. It's a pattern that's kinda cobbled together and modified from someone else's pattern and so on and so forth. Here's a not great picture of the top, it's hard to take pictures of black yarn, to see the spirally goodness.Yeah. Just a plain black hat.

well i've seen you once or twice and i think you're rather nice tell me what is your name and will you come again

2008-10-22T05:21:00.004-04:00

um so yeah my blood sugar is off and i drank some stuff and it's like i can win the Drunk Blogger of the Year Award again!. but i need to blog and i'm sleepy so...what was i saying? oh teah yeah so i went to rhienback rehine rhe rhi b rhinba rhineback rhinebeck with Crazy Lady did i mention she had a pulmonary embolism? is that how you spell it? and she made them let her out of the hospital on the night of the vp debates because she was "going to bother the other patients when she screamed at sarah palin all night" so they released her early. so i wanted to visit her so i went and she went with me and we went and so we went and we went and there was tsocktsarina and gwinivar's boothy areaesquey area place and i needed to bring tsock a book so i brin brung brought it and i got some yarn and also some from brewergnome it's hard to code links in with the loopiness and i was leaving kinda and brewergnome and jesh came up and then thegeorg showed me jesh's spindles and i was all "oh they're pretty but i don't spin and everyone was in panic emergency BACK THE FUCK UP! mode and handed me stuff that scared me and made me do stuff i didn't understand and told me i was spinning and i had the worst ever in my life picture of me ever taken in this here as evidenced in this post and then what happened? TSA broke my spindle so pretty from jesh I bought and i wasn't sure it was broken so i was randomly walking around the records management conference floor (i'm at a conference at the las vegas convention center, i flew there right after the rhe rhinebeck) carrying a spindle and people were all, dude, what vendor was giving THAT away? because you know, you get all the swag at conferences, right? and i was saying to a few, how did you miss this? everyone got one, didn't you? and then today i came across a vendor giving away wool and alpaca roving in little baggies.

umm.

yeah.

Although i believe the majority of the records managers who came across her table were a mite bit confused, there i was grabbing all i could, and wondering why. Just...why. And wishing the whole TSA didn't suck and blow goats in a manner that didn't require the asshattage of the breaking of the spindle, pretty spindle, so I could spin away, right there.

and she takes the red light and you will find crossing the finish line

2008-10-12T03:48:00.002-04:00

So here's the thing.

The snakeskin socks? I started them last December, and I put them down just...about...the...time that I got served with divorce papers.

And every time I picked them up, I kept thinking of my divorce. They're the "imbibed with baggage" socks.

And no, I'm not divorced yet. But something made me finish these, despite the baggage, and the end of the second sock seemed to take forever. But they're done.Somehow, I feel more accomplished about completing this pair of socks than I do about any of the projects I've completed in a long time.

and all around the wall a splotch a blob beware of the blob

2008-09-28T15:57:00.002-04:00

Lookit what I actually finished last weekend!Yes! One Snakeskin Sock, done! I think it's pretty kickass, myself. I put just the right amount of negative ease in it. I started on the second, but I started the pattern too soon - the cuff wasn't long enough - and didn't figure it out until three inches into it so I frogged it.

And then yesterday I seamed the cozy splotchy cardigan, and reinforced the buttonholes, and even sewed on buttons, and did the neck, and the Must Have Cardigan from Hip to Knit in Manos del Uruguay is done.Knitting time: 8 days. Blocking: 2 days. Seaming: 1 day. I made the 42" size, because I didn't quite get gauge and I didn't want to go down a size smaller. The fit is perfect. The pattern called for 7 skeins of Manos, I used about 5.3.

I'm ridiculously in love with it.

spanish bombs yo te quiero infinito yo te quiero oh mi corazon

2008-09-26T21:35:00.002-04:00

Oh please oh please oh please oh please someone please record some of tonight's debate as being televised en vivo on Telemundo and put it up on YouTube oh please oh please oh please, I'd do it myself but that would require something akin to, yu know, effort.

I accidentally hit my remote control and the channel changed to Telemundo from NBC to Telemundo and suddenly I see McCain speaking Spanish, only with a whiny, high pitched tenor voice. Obama responds in a nice, deep baritone stream of Spanish.

And then?

The camera pans to Jim Lehrer, who opens his mouth...and his nice, even voice a woman's voice. Yes, Telemundo chose to use a female translator to serve as Jim Lehrer for these debates. So as Jim's talking, there's a stream of woman Spanish language speak coming out of his mouth.

This may be the greatest moment in the entire election.

it's oh so quiet shh shh it's oh so still shh shh

2008-09-23T21:02:00.004-04:00

Dear Chinese Tourists Visiting the Metro DC Area:

When you get on the Metro at 6:45 AM with a bunch of bleary-eyed suits desperately in need of caffeine, all of whom are surprisingly quiet in the packed-full-o'-workers train cars, please make a note of the hour and the quiet and proceed accordingly. Please do not use this opportunity to shout at the top of your lungs about your plans for the day, sing some kind of song in Mandarin (possibly a Jackie Chan hit?), try out some wacky English phrases that make you laugh, laugh at the wacky English phrases, and repeat. This gives everyone around you a headache.

So. Also headache inducing: email exchange with Crazy Lady. It went something like this, beginning with me.

Don't forget, a new "House" is on tonight.
Oh, okay, I'll watch Olbermann at 10, then.
(ten minutes later)
You know, "House" was a rerun, the new one is on Thursday, the first in the new season, for my birthday! [Crazy Lady's birthday is Thursday.]
Ummm, Mom, the season started last week, and "House" is on Tuesdays at 8. Tonight is a new episode, the second in the new season.
No, [Rambo] and I had seen that episode before, it was a reun.
Ummm...no, it wasn't. It was a new episode, the second in the new season.
No, the new season hasn't started yet according to (a link to Yahoo! Answers from over a year ago which, hey! was referring to LAST YEAR).
That's when the new season started last year. Look at this info on (link to Fox.com page on "House.").
I'm not going to argue with you, You're just wrong, the new season hasn't started yet.
Okay Mom. But remind Rambo of last week's Entertainment Weekly with "House" on the cover.
Okay, he's pulling it out now...he's flipping to the article...he just said "Oh, fuck."

At least she can watch the reruns in the Secret Project of Shame (her birthday present), which is complete.Red Heart feels even worse when you wash it and it's all wet and has that slimy plasticky feeling. But it's better after you dry it with twelve dryer sheets.

can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail a smile from a veil do you think you can tell

2008-09-20T23:12:00.004-04:00

I was sewing up my Afghan of Shame hexagons today and I got an entire strip sewn up and whammo, I figured out that the colors weren't lining up because, moron, I was off by one jog, so I had to pick the entire thing out again, because, of course, I used one single thing of yarn, making it a giant pain in the fucking ass for me to sew up, but, you know, I never ran out of yarn in the strip, and it was the longest strip in the whole thing, seven hexagons to seven hexagons, so once I picked everything out I decided no more sewing up for me, even though yesterday Amber and I went to G Street and got buttons for the Manos cardigan I finished knitting and which is all blocked and the stockinette isn't even rolling or anything and it's all ready for the sewing uppage. Which I'm not all against or anything.

So I rooted about and found a half a sock I started back in the day in February before the broken ribs and all, here's a picture from back then(Ribbed Lace, from Sensational Knitted Socks by Charlene Schurch) and you know, it looks exactly the same now, only I've knit 39 more rows. I should be decreasing for the toe by now! Why is this going nowhere? And my skein of Lorna's (Laces Shepherd Sock, colorway Envy - I call these my Snakeskin Socks, don't they look like snakeskin or reptilian to you?) is getting smaller and smaller, only this isn't getting any further down my foot.

I figure eventually I'll run out of yarn, and still only be halfway down my foot.

if you should ever find someone new i know he'd better be good to you cuz if he doesn't i'll be there

2008-09-17T22:35:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I'm all yarn snobilicious, but I have a Secret Project of Shame, the likes of which is not being entered into Ravelry. (Amber has seen it. She can attest to its existence. I've actually done a LOT of work on it.)

The thing is, back a thousand years ago when I started knitting and crocheting, all I had was Yarn Brunswick Germantown (LOVED that yarn)... and Red Heart.

So while I no longer use those two yarns (DAMN YOU, Coats and Clark, for buying Yarn Brunswick and ceasing production of Germantown!), one of the two is the yarn in use in the Secret Project of Shame. The one still in production.

EXCEPT I'm making this for someone who will put this in the washer and dryer over and over again and will ruin anything else I make, even cotton and superwash merino.

I've been painted into the Red Heart corner.

but my dreams they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be

2008-09-10T11:05:00.007-04:00

The thing is, I usually scoff at the "The End is Near!" people, and I really dig CERN, but the whole Large Haldron Collider thing? I'm not so sure about. I like that The Times headlines states "Large Haldron Collider will not turn world to goo", but the fact that such a headline had to be published? It makes me twinge, just a little bit. This thinking used to make my soon-to-be-ex-The-Man-Who-Lives-in-the-House and me bicker a little bit. I was "crazy" and the scientific achievment was "awesome."

But why, exactly, did I need to be reassured about the world not turning into "goo," again?

This makes me want to do mad sorts of things, like, oh, knit something, really fast. I haven't actually finished a sweater in, oh, say, uh...(checking Ravelry projects page)...oh, the Somewhat Cowl in April. So that wasn't so long ago. But that's a tinge too big for me now. And short sleeved. Is it really a "sweater"? Everything else got to an almost finished stage before I lost weight or I couldn't graft or the yarn bloomed like no tomorrow or my gay boyfriend broke up with me or some combination therein. So, on Sunday, while waiting for Amber at Urgent Care (she's okay, she was rear-ended coming to meet me for pancakes, it was a classic case of whiplash), I did a gauge swatch for a cardigan in Manos, which I ripped out and restarted as a sleeve, and now both sleeves are done already.

Which doesn't mean I'll actually finish the sweater, of course, before I lose more weight. Or the world turns to goo.

wonder this time where she's gone wonder if she's gone to stay

2008-09-05T16:24:00.006-04:00

Yeah, so almost four months, look at that. This is what happens when your computer goes wonky and starts doing this thing where after using it for 30 minutes (just long enough to update your "Savage Love" and "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" podcasts and sync your iPhone), it tells you it's out of space on the desktop and you check and there's Zero KB available of free space on the hard drive, what the cock? and you have to restart it so you have 5 GB of free space and it all starts over again 40 minutes later. Also when you're managing three projects due at the end of June/middle of July and things fall apart in your divorce and live is full of teh suck in teh general.

Anyway, uh. Actually I don't have anything to say. Except I'll be better at blogging. And let's see, what have I been up to? I went to a wedding and I wore this dress: and I'm knitting this sweaterand this sweater I put into Ravelry as "the reason i hate intarsia fish sweater" (Ravelry link) even though the the pattern it's for is really cute (Ravelry link - go ahead, click it, click it right now, it's really important that you click it, it'll open in a new window, click it before you continue reading this) and did you notice? Yes, it is The Official Sweater for That Pattern. The Very Sweater that made me term intarsia The Cocksucking Intarsia is the official sweater for the pattern it represents.

Jenifleur says it should be The Official Sweater of Intarsia.

you think we look pretty good together you think my shoes are made of leather

2008-05-24T20:36:00.004-04:00

So I'm making Labyrinth (Ravelry link), the long-sleeved version, with this really nice new Tilli Tomas yarn, Silky Merino, that I got at Maryland Sheep and Wool.Only when not jess and I were picking it out, we couldn't find a contrast yarn that worked, so I got all one color, and thought, huh, I'll make it on a solid eggplant.

And then I thought, huh, I kinda am not totally into the balloons at the end of the sleeves. I mean, balloons? So I figure, maybe instead, a slight bell sleeve instead. And now I'm thinking, should I do the chevron stitches at all?

When I was telling Amber about this plan, her thought was that I have just changed the pattern significantly enough that I shouldn't link my work to Labyrinth in Ravelry. Her point is that when people look at the finished products of Labyrinth, mine would be so significantly changed that they would get a different product, so it's kind of a waste of space. Plus, since it's a top-down raglan, I could figure out the math based on my gauge swatch and really make my own sweater in that style anyway, so I don't need to link it to Labyrinth.

On the other hand, my thought is that I am not doing all of the math on my own - Wendy Bernard did it all for me. And I believe that the changes I'm making are pretty minor. Plus, I don't believe that I'm making enough changes that are altering the work significantly enough that I could, say, sell the work as my own (as per current copyright laws/interpretations/touchy discussions). Since I could not do so, the pattern is still enough of the essence of Labyrinth as to be Labyrinth. Also, I personally actually do enjoy seeing modifications in Ravelry.

So. Those are the two sides. What do you think?

tell me how to win your heart for i haven't got a clue

2008-05-18T21:37:00.004-04:00

Mock away, people, who don't watch "American Idol," but Seacrest is right, this really has been the best season ever. Yes, the ratings are completely in the tank, and the format is stale, and the entire meaning behind the "best season ever" is wrong. This is not the best group of singers. It isn't the best series of theme weeks. And frankly, I barely care who gets voted off each week.

But the drama!

Does anyone even remember one of the greatest reactions to a performance ever made in the history of time (said by Paula, of course, to David A.): "I want to squish you, squeeze your head off and dangle you from my rearview mirror." (The Washington Post's Lisa de Moraes dubbed this the "competition's very first Crazy Paula Wants to Squeeze Your Head Off and Hang Your Body From Her Rearview Mirror Award, a.k.a. The Sweeney")?

With the latter, no. Because it happened on February 27th, which was almost three whole months ago. On any other normal season, this would have been really memorable, but this season was crazy with its weirdness, which is why it truly has been the Best Season Ever.

And if you haven't been watching, and wonder what the draw is for a music fan the songwriters are either really great or questionable, and the singers are either really great, one-note, or questionable. But when the greatness comes together and happens at once? It's amazing. And when it doesn't? It's laugh-worthy.

This is fine, fine television.

Me? My favorite performance of the entire season is still this one (link is to RedLasso video, not YouTube, in case those of you who are blocked from YouTube might be able to see this).

But I still have Dilana playing in my car.

it's funny how we hunger for some inspiration and everything else that money just won't buy

2008-05-17T10:27:00.004-04:00

Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh.

Working too many hours. Up late, up early. And here it is, Saturday morning, and I can't even force myself to sleep late. Except I also can't really move much.

Um. I had something to write about. I forgot what it was. So here's a picture of the sock I'm working on, before I got to the point of the sock where I am now, which is further along than where this is.Hedera, from Knitty. In the new Tilli Tomas St. Andrews fingering weight 6/2 wool (no, it isn't merino), purchased at Maryland Sheep and Wool.

Also, this news article makes me proud to be Icelandic. WARNING: you might want to look at the article before you read it with other people around.

fire i'll take you to burn fire i'll take you to learn you're going to burn you're going to burn

2008-04-27T23:12:00.004-04:00

So jess and not jess and I were having beers (properly memorized by the bartender from his having served us on one previous occasion) at our not favorite watering hole and we were chatting about what and not and whatnot and so on and suddenly jess, looking past me and not jess, exclaimed, "Fire cheese!" and we all realized that the woman next to not jess was eating a plate of melty, sizzling fried cheese, bathed in brandy and lemon or something, with flames that were just burning out, at which point we then realized that we had all reached our respective ages of older than zero years old without a) knowing that fire cheese existed and b) ever having eaten fire cheese, something we immediately rectified by placing our own order of fire cheese to accompany our memorized-by-the-bartender beers, at which point I whipped out the trusty iPhone because, you know, how could we partake of such a momentous occasion of our first fire cheese without recording the event for posterity? Herewith, our tale:

First, fire cheese aflame!
Still aflame!
Squeezing something on the flaming cheese!
Shaking something on the fire cheese!
Still life with beer and cheese.
'Tis a thing of beauty. Jess pronounced it the most metal food ever. (Accordingly, I quoted Ozzy in today's title. Despite my inclination to quote The Clash. Because, you know, I always quote The Clash. It's the only band that matters.)

i'm taking myself to a dirty part of town where all my troubles can't be found

2008-04-26T13:36:00.002-04:00

WHY can't I wake up enough to see the peeps today (who were *ahem* trying to get me to go places to see Hot Guy last night - who had made a point of telling me where he'd be, but I am not the eighth grader riding my bike past the cute boy's house trying to get a glimpse of him on a weekend, even though it might have gotten someone a current boyfriend coughnotyourmothercough)?

I did finish the Somewhat Cowl (Ravelry link) - here is my fine, self-portrait without head in the bathroom mirror from the iPhone:I also saw the Pope. He drove past my office in his Popemobile (a flatbed truck with a bulletproof box affixed). His eyes are rather piercingly creepy. This was on his birthday, about one block from the White House, as he was leaving.It amused me how many people were selling "Pope World Tour 2008" t-shirts.

found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up i noticed i was late

2008-04-23T17:34:00.004-04:00

6:00 am: woke up.

6:30 am: logged into work email, did work.

7:15 am: logged out of work email, realized should be on train at that moment.

8:35 am: realized should stop reading Ravelry, interwebs, Twitter, etc., and get dressed.

8:40 am: sent email to manager, promising i'd be in my 9:00 am.

9:00 am: got off couch to get dressed.

9:15 am: decided to look for clothes to wear to work.

9:30 am: realized would be in meetings with Hot Guy all day; applied makeup with a trowel to simulate drag queen.

10:00 am: got off Metro too ridiculously late to get Starbucks.

10:05 am: received phone call as walking into office from colleague in other building who suggested immediate meeting at Starbucks; told colleague she was a goddess.

11:30 am: walked back to colleague's office from Starbucks, only to encounter Hot Guy, who sits near colleague.

12:00 pm: Hot Guy interrupted meeting with colleague to discuss 1:00 meeting and flirt with me.

12:15 pm: walking outside back my office, ran into Hot Guy walking back to his office from my building. Received half-hug from Hot Guy, who insisted on having a meeting outside on sunny, lovely sidewalk, standing up, whilst touching me often, about 1:00 meeting.

12:48 pm: ran into office to read email and delegate work to colleague across the hall to prepare for 2:00 meeting. Took time to refresh lipstick application.

1:01 pm: ran into meeting room in other building, skipping lunch, in time for Hot Guy to sit next to me.

1:59 pm: walked out of meeting still in progress, being almost tackled by Hot Guy, who was trying to make me stay in meeting, to go to other meeting (in same, other building).

3:01 pm: walked to meeting room next to Hot Guy's office, outside of which Hot Guy was standing, eating cake. Discussed 1:00 meeting with Hot Guy and merits of buttercream frosting on cake. Talked so long 3:00 meeting participants yelled down the hall for me to stop talking to Hot Guy already and get my ass in meeting room.

4:15 pm: left meeting to walk into other meeting across the hall.

4:40 pm: left meeting to walk back to main building, passing Hot Guy's office. Hot Guy suggested meeting to discuss planning future meetings. Politely declined for own sanity's sake, despite continued pleasure of Hot Guy's presence. Left Hot Guy's office immediately and walked as quickly as possible back to office.

4:55 pm: ran into manager leaving building for the day, who exclaimed, "Oh! You came to work today?!? I had no idea!"

i want security yeah i'm telling you once say again oh now security and i want it in the end

2008-04-14T21:40:00.004-04:00

There's still time to give to the MS WALK! The walk was great. For pictures, see Melissa's blog (linked below), or wait for me to put some up, maybe. Thanks to those who gave!

Back in November, for various tax purposes, I changed my residency from Georgia to Virginia (although now I believe I'm considered a resident of both, actually). Because the 9/11 hijackers had apparently super duper easily piece-of-cakily obtained their driver's licenses from Virginia, the Commonwealth of Virginia requirements for a driver's license now require about twelve forms of photo ID, along with a passport, birth certificate, grocery store card, library card, four utility bills, a letter from your past three employers, and letters from your best friend in kindergarten attesting to the fact that yes, you do in fact live in Virginia and you do not intend to fly any airplanes into any major buildings soon.

And so it took me about eight minutes, from start to finish, to get my Virginia driver's license on one Saturday in November, a day when the DMV opened thirty minutes EARLY, was unbelievably efficient, and forgot to even test my incredibly blind eyesight and didn't put that I needed corrective lenses on my license.

So when Melissa was driving me to the airport in Portland (Maine, not Oregon, which was an amusing bit of confusion with Amber one morning, who is originally from Portland OREGON and couldn't figure out why I was having trouble finding flights) today and commented that perhaps security in the tiny little airport wouldn't be the extreme breeze I expected it to be since the 9/11 hijackers had begun their trips out of that airport, it didn't really phase me. "Huh," I think I might have said.

In fact, nothing occurred to me until I had to show the TSA guard at the 9/11 originating airport Portland (Maine) my 9/11 easily-gotten Virginia driver's license.

Yeah.

I think one of those two items would have been just fine. It's the combination of the two that brought over three guards to inspect the license with the ultraviolet light, the infrared light, the magnifying glass, a larger magnifying glass, a call to a manager, a call to a higher manager, and a halt to all airport screening whilst all Portland (Maine) TSA security guards had to be trained on the spot in the fine art of inspecting a Virginia driver's license.

By this time, all ten people flying out of Portland (Maine) behind me who hadn't yet gone through security were getting really impatient. Yours truly was pulled aside into the "specially roped off private screening area," which is a roped off circle on the other side of the driver's-license-checking-podium with no privacy screens AT ALL, which are required, maybe?, I believe, where all of the n00b guards were taking turns shining an assortment of rainbow lights and differently-sized magnifying glasses upon my license, looking up at me, looking down at my license, looking up at me, down at my license, up at me, license, me, license, me, license, me...Nobody yet had said a word to me except to ask me to "step into the circle."

After about ten minutes, I was handed back my license and allowed to proceed on my way.

Without having to put my bags or myself through x-ray.

Portland (Maine) TSA: They're all about the security.

she's a little lost girl in her own little world i'd like to help her i'd like to try

2008-03-31T12:49:00.003-04:00

So I don't know if I've mentioned it here but some of you who know me in person might know that Crazy Lady (aka my mother) has multiple sclerosis. She was diagnosed with it about ten years ago, after being terrified she had it for twenty years. She'd been showing symptoms since she was a teenager, actually. But she wasn't actually diagnosed until her symptoms got worse and worse and her health degenerated really, really quickly within a six month period of time. And unfortunately, MS is a disease where one only degenerates. Once my mother loses even a little bit more of her muscular control in her legs, she never gets it back. Once she loses a little bit of her eyesight, it's gone for good.

So my cousin Melissa and her family and I are walking in Walk MS in Maine on April 12th. It's a personal walk for us, since it affects our family. But if anyone wanted to sponsor us, even for a dollar, here's our team page. (Yes, we're Team Awesome!)

ETA: Anonymous, thanks for trying anyway! I don't know why they would have rejected your card!?!? Give me a way to contact you if you want to try again, otherwise, we appreciate the effort!

somewhere in my wicked, miserable past there must have been a moment of truth

2008-03-22T22:06:00.003-04:00

Memes and the like. I'm rarely tagged and stuff, but I have been of late. So first, I must thank the wonderful JohnK who gave me the You Make My Day award. Because, you know, really? Because of gov docs? I mean, that makes MY day.

Second, that bitch Amber is making me do the seven weird things about me thingy, and no, I haven't actually been tagged for it before, so you're now forced to sit through it. And I'm not sure what exactly I'm going to say here.

1. While I'm a movie buff and tend to watch anything, I would rather watch movies with happy endings, even if they're really bad and cheesy. I can watch these kinds of movies over and over again, even the same exact movie, even multiple times in one day. I can spend an entire weekend watching a single movie from start to finish, nonstop, from Friday night until Monday morning, over and over and over again, and never get bored. I did this a month ago with a new Masterpiece Theater version of Jane Eyre I have on DVD.

2. On average, I read about one book a day. The books vary, but in general the rules follow as with movies. If the book is part of a series, I absolutely positively must read them in order, even if it means waiting two months to get the first book of the series on back order. About halfway through the first chapter of every book, I read the last half of the last chapter. Of every book I read, even mysteries. I don't know why, but I do. It doesn't spoil anything for me. Usually the mysteries aren't revealed that late in the book, so I don't find out anything about the plot, only whether there's a happy ending. If there isn't a happy or satisfying ending, I put the book down and won't finish it.

3. It doesn't matter whether I see a movie of a book adaptation prior to my reading the book - it doesn't spoil things for me. I can separate books from movies. However, I get really annoyed if a well-loved book is made into a movie and then the movie is really, terribly bad AND has strayed incredibly far from the book (e.g., "Ella Enchanted" - I don't recall the book having a scene where Ella sings Queen's "Somebody to Love"). I would prefer in those cases that the movie had been given a different title, rather than be connected with the book in any way, so that there's hope that a true(r) adaptation of the book could be made in the future.

4. I have no clue how much yarn I have. I have forgotten more yarn that I own than I remember. I have an odd obsession with sock yarn, which I then am reluctant to knit up, for fear that it will no longer exist - this has happened to me too often in the past. To avoid this lately, I've knit more socks with non-sock yarn than with sock yarn.

5. I've had a zillion odd jobs in the past, because I have a lot of different interests. I once partially supported myself through singing and musical theater, and would and could have done it as a career if I really felt like I needed to sing and/or act and/or dance to the exclusion of everything else, but since I had so many other interests, I was able to let go of the poor starving artist life.

6. If I had learned what an engineer was before I graduated from college, I would have been one. I was meant to be a mechanical engineer. I came from a humanities background, where math and science wasn't emphasized (although every member of my family has always been naturally incredibly good at math and science, everyone has gone into a career in the humanities). Had a single member of my family been in math or science, I would have seen a different career path, but I never knew what engineering was, nor had I had anyone encouraging me toward that area until after college, when it was deemed "too late" for me.

7. I detest political labels, because they either don't accurately wholly describe a political belief or they box one into a belief without looking at individual issues. But I was once a fairly active Maoist Socialist, and I carried The Little Red Book around with me. I now consider myself to be a Liberal Republican. My political beliefs have not changed at all, not even one tiny iota, from my Maoist period to my Liberal Republican period (about a twenty year stretch of time). I believe both labels were and are completely accurate in describing my political beliefs.

i don't ask for much these days and i don't bitch and whine if i don't get my way (2.0)

2008-03-12T18:25:00.004-04:00

On August 9, 2006, I used the above lyrics as my post title (minus the 2.0), and I've gotten more emails, random comments on random posts, etc., asking me what the name of that song is. I got two today alone, from "Anonymous," asking me for the name...

Uh, Anonymous? If I don't know who you are, I can't respond, can I?

Mind you, I don't mind responding to anyone. But this was maybe the fifteenth question on this particular song lyric, most of which were anonymous, and I don't even know if it's the same person asking over and over again, or multiple people who really like the song and have been dying to know who sings it, or what.

But here's a clue, to anybody who ever wants to know what song a lyric comes from. Despite my posting the lyrics out of my head, they're usually correct (hopefully). So. Today's lesson is on searching for information. This is free of charge, and mind you, I had to get a master's in library science for this. (Seriously, we had one entire class on Online Searching. Although it was a bit more complicated than this, but it was also back in The Days of Yore, Before Google - although we did have Yahoo! and Lycos.)

Type the lyrics in question in your favorite search engine. We'll try, for example, Google. I hear the kids these days use the Google quite a bit.

So, first I highlight the words in question with my trusty cursor, copy them, and go to Google and paste them in the little white window in the middle.Now, when I press the little button labelled "Google Search," I get a results page that looks something like this:While I realize (and am a little weirded out) that my blog is the second result, and someone else's blog quoting the same lyrics is close to the top, by just reading the results page, without clicking any of the links, I can infer that these are the lyrics to a song called "The Seed (2.0)" by The Roots.

If I choose one of those lyrics pages, I can confirm that the lyrics in question do, indeed, belong to that song. I can also see that the song appears on the "Chasing Liberty" soundtrack (which, if I recall correctly, is a movie starring Mandy Moore as the president's daughter - Mark Harmon plays the president - who runs away from her Secret Service detail in Europe to go galavanting about with some hot guy. And now that I think of it, the reason she ran away at first was to go see The Roots concert in France or something. It all comes together.) (Perhaps I've said too much, since I think I just admitted to having once seen that movie.).So, there you have it, kids. An introduction to how to find information on the intertubes using The Google. Mind you, once again, I don't mind answering questions. It's in my nature. But it's also pretty darned easy to find that information yourselves sometimes. Especially when I can't respond to you because you've left me no contact information.

In summation: The song is "The Seed (2.0)" by The Roots, on their album "Phrenology," and also, apparently, on the "Chasing Liberty" soundtrack. It is available on iTunes and the video is on YouTube.

I'll leave it to you to look that up.

i don't know why but i'm tired of my mind

2008-02-27T09:28:00.005-05:00

So I'm happily knitting alone on the Somewhat Cowl with some BEAYOOOOOOOOOUTIFUL teal Blue Sky Alpaca and Silk (from Stitch DC) and I was almost done, DONE, I tell you, with the raglan increases, we're talking about 10" of raglan increases here, when I discovered this:Do you see it? Two stitches. Two edge stitches, about 2.5" inches down, WELL BEFORE I changed to the second ball of yarn, I somehow...just...stopped knitting them. And they weren't just hanging out loose like, that, oh no. I would have noticed that. They were somehow tangled with the row above it to HIDE the thing.

What the fuck? I realize this is the first thing I've done in awhile (I stopped knitting when I broke my ribs and injured my knee/got a hairline fracture in my patella from ice skating with Amber), but I didn't have to come back to complete and utter fucking disastrous failure, did I? Really?

One and a half hours later (exactly ten male American Idol singers, to be precise, most of whom pretty much sucked and blew goats), I had threaded my size 2 Addi Lace needles through a far, FAR lower row, rethreaded four times, and frogged.Yeah, it's fixed, but now I have to reknit about five trapezoidal inches.

Maybe knitting just isn't for me anymore.

lacerate eviscerate and perforate and mutilate we all fall down all fall down

2008-01-29T10:31:00.000-05:00

Snippets of conversations overheard in various Old Navy stores between Amber and me:

Oh! Look at that seed stitch cardigan!
It's a bulky weight cotton.
That'll stretch out of shape in no time.
I'd do it in Aurora Bulky.
Ooh, that would work well.

Here's a nice cabled yoke pullover.
Feel all of that acrylic!
Doesn't this remind you of the Citrus Yoke Pullover?
That's where I've seen it before!

Why did they have to make this sweater with bell-shaped three-quarter length kimono sleeves?
To make it uglier?

...and so on. People overhearing us, well. They thought we were a little crazy.

dressed in a robert hall sweater acting like a soap opera queen yeah she's so dull come on rip her to shreds

2008-01-21T00:19:00.000-05:00

Here's the thing about losing significant amounts of weight when you're a knitter/crocheter.

Suddenly you realize that most of the projects you've been working on? Yeah, they won't fit you anymore. So. The Prepster jacket, which is 95% complete?Yeah, I kinda might as well rip that out. Orangina, about 5% complete?Frog pile. Silk camisole, on which I have only to do the i-cord straps?I have more. It's disheartening, actually.

take it easy baby let them say what they will will your tongue wag so much when i send you the bill?

2008-01-11T21:46:00.000-05:00

Sporadic posting, I know. I got shit goin' on. But I'll be in Atlanta on February 5th! For one day only! Just sayin'. If anyone is around and wants to see a depressed, neurotic, hyped up woman just out of divorce court and all (my first court date).

Also, I wanted to share the following: I bought jeans from The Gap today. Yes, you read that correctly. Jeans. Me. The Gap. And despite a terrible issue with customer service where my super sales helper people kept getting pulled away from me and moved to another floor in the middle of helping me, I found two pairs of jeans in two different "cuts" that fit and didn't look like complete ass that I bought.

I just want to ponder this, because do you know what this means?

DO YOU?

If you're thin, probably not.

If you're a little big larger (such as me), you know that The Gap stopped carrying jeans in sizes larger than size 16 (thus disenfranchising a significant portion of the population and forcing us to hide at home and shop online and be more ashamed of our bodies, and have ONE MORE STORE where we have to say, "I can't even walk in there, nothing in that store fits me" but I'm not angry, no, I'm not bitter at all, just because we're limited to a tiny women's section in Macy's and Bloomingdale's, where, incidentally, everything comes in sizes with W appended, and I don't need the fucking 18W, it's too big for me, I need an 18, get that, a STRAIGHT 18, where the fuck are the 18 regulars? You think you're doing some kind of service, Ann Taylor? Jones New York? By making suits up to size 16 and then making sizes in W? What about those of us who don't merit the W? We don't exist or something? Because the Ws don't fit us correctly. The Ws are too wide on us. I'm not a W. The closest I come, when I'm an 18 regular, is a 16W. What the cock is that shit? The sleeves are a hair too short, and everything is a hair too wide, but hey! we have to make everything wider for the bigger gals, even if we're just proportionately bigger all over. Why the fuck do you have to be such douchebags?) a long time ago.

So what this means, if you haven't guessed already, is that my heart attack diet has gotten me down to a size 16.

Yep. I've lost about 72 pounds since May, and 25 since I started my new job in September. All because I no longer have an appetite.

I don't recommend this diet to anyone, but I can't really argue with the results.

I can buy clothes at The Gap!

Also, I don't think I'll ever buy clothes at The Gap ever again. I hate them. They're total assholes. I don't need to deal with that shit. But the point is, I could buy clothes at The Gap if I wanted to buy clothes at The Gap.

it's getting to the point where i'm no fun anymore i am sorry

2007-12-16T23:42:00.000-05:00

It's really hard to be depressed. It's even harder to admit you're depressed. And it's even harder still to live through your depression for months after admitting that your depressed.

So, here I am, depressed, yes, and the more "help" I seem to get, the more depressed I seem to get. Medicine has only changed my depression to a different type of depression. I want to hide out and not talk to anyone or see anyone or go anywhere or do anything.

I'm getting pretty successful at it.

The one good thing, if you call it good, I guess, is that I've lost an insane amount of weight. I don't have an exact number, but I've dropped somewhere around 3 or 4 full clothing sizes. Maybe about 75 pounds or so? (This obviously isn't my everyday wear.)

So if I'm not blogging, well, I'm not doing anything, really.

I'm in the last stages of sewing up the I hate Starbucks blanket. Here are some pics.It's twice as wide as this, actually.

discipline is his passion now the stench is done

2007-11-27T19:45:00.000-05:00

What the cock is up with the orange line? I get on the train headed toward Vienna at Farragut West. I see, on the handy dandy board as I'm getting on the train, that the next train toward Vienna is nine minutes away.

But when I get off the train at West Falls Church, the next train is one minute behind my train.

How come I am always on the loser slow train?

Anyhoo. Stuff I've been working on. A lot of stuff, really. Here's some yarn.Karabella Merino Superwash, in autumn why the fuck did Starbucks have to change to Christmas Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha so fucking early colors for a granny square blanket for my brother and his girlfriend and their dog and cats.I crocheted several of the squares at BWI waiting for a flight and at Crazy Lady and Rambo's house and there's much beagle hair in the squares, so the squares will come pre-dog-haired. In my week there, Rambo hinted strongly about a scarf, not knowing I had already made him one (Karabella Iris - merino, silk and cashmere) and it was blocking in my apartmentalthough it's really burgundy, not quite this red. I learned the Russian join from Amber on this scarf.

It's fun to learn new techniques.

my need to possess you has consumed my soul my life is trembling i have no control

2007-10-18T00:06:00.000-04:00

...and now I won't be able to sleep because the only song that Animotion ever did will be running through my mind. Me and my bright ideas. Admit it, you have the song "Obsession" stuck in your head now, too, don't you? Here's the video, for those of you who remember it, or just want to watch random Spartan warriors and Cleopatra lounging by the pool (it's amusing even with the sound off).I think my brother really dug this video. We had a band so he could wear these spandex tiger striped gold and black lamé pants he got and play his guitar, and I played keyboards and sang backup because "that's what girls did" (yeah, I know, it's amazing he lived and all), and his friends and all would come over and we all got dressed up in cool-looking clothes and stood around in our driveway with our instruments looking totally awesome and recreated the best videos of the time. And our drummer is now a drummer for a famous Grammy-award winning Top 40 rock band and this amuses me to no end, because, you know, we, well, sucked ass.

Oh, so my obsession. Yeah. It's this sweater. I finished knitting the cardigan for Bill right about when he and I had a falling out and he stopped speaking to me. It's the Boyfriend curse, only who knew it applied to gay boyfriends as well? So it's blocking but it's causing a mental block in me for seaming it, and I needed to start something and the llama needed to be swatched so I started the Vee sweater out of Karabella Merino Superwash, late last Wednesday night, and let's see how far I've progressed:Yeah, the back done, a sleeve done, and halfway up the front. And a thousand episodes of Law & Order: Various Incarnations. This is the fastest sweater I've ever made for an adult, and it's the 46" size. I mean, really. Zoom, zoom.

worked hard all my lifetime no help from my friends so lord won't you buy me a mercedes benz

2007-10-15T22:31:00.000-04:00

It's been hard, trying to get my health better, going through a divorce, having some friends and family members reject me, starting a new job after almost six years at the same federal government agency, and moving to a new city all at the same time. That whole thing about not changing your entire life all at once? Yeah. Sometimes, you should. But fallout is inevitable and I suppose I've been...introspective.

So it was nice to come home tonight to a package from my fairy godmother, who turned out to be Jennifer. Jennifer is also about to change jobs, and she lives in Michigan, in a city I used to work in, back when I was in graduate school, so I feel kind of warm and fuzzy even though we've never really "met."

Anyhoo, in my package was a wonderful quilted bag that I'm sure she made herself, although it looks professionally made, because she's quite the quilter (alliteration is my friend) with candy and sweets all over it (which is great since I can't eat them so much with some of my illness precluding it nowadays but they're great to look at and think about eating in extreme moderation and all)and inside the bag were three lovely things of yarn, all in or containing my favorite color, acidy green, aka "Jess green," and for all of which I already have projects planned, a great Frankenstein hand towel that's already in my bathroom, pixie sticks, Jelly Bellys, bath gel, lotion, an emory board from an LYS (? - although useful) and a case with makeup brushes, because she somehow knew that aside from yarn, I spend all of my money on makeup.Thank you so much, Jennifer! This really perked me up. I can't wait to knit with the yarns, none of which I've ever used before. I'm so excited! (Although I don't have, you know, a decent camera, or adequate lighting in my abode, so sorry I can't take better pictures.)

me and my llama me and my llama we're going to the dentist today

2007-10-10T01:21:00.000-04:00

I finished the second sleeve of the sweater. Tomorrow I'll start blocking it.

For my next trick, I give you this.I know. It's a rare and magical creature, the gauge swatch. And while I like to live by the philosophy that gauge swatching is for pussies, in this case, it's good I did, because boy howdy was that gauge off, and I am NEVER off on gauge, but it's a thinner yarn than is used in the pattern I'm making, which is why I swatched. Which means I got gauge on a 15 for a yarn where the recommended needle is an 11, and the pattern calls for a 13. The resulting fabric is far looser and drapier than I want it to be. Do I try again on the 13? (I can't just go up a size, because I'm making the largest size, which should fit me exactly, and I'm not sure the math will work if I add stitches.)

The yarn I'm trying to use is the new Karabella La Llama, which is, amazingly enough, 100% dehaired llama. I know you couldn't have guessed that based on the name or anything.

Which brings me to my last point. Every time I sing the "me and my llama" song from Sesame Street quote in today's post title, people say I'm crazy and that they never saw that song. Well, for you naysayers, here you go. Begging the question, of course, of who has a pet llama in the middle of New York?

i've got one hand in my pocket and the other one is flicking a cigarette

2007-10-09T00:03:00.000-04:00

Here's the Fetching in question from the last post, done in the new Karabella Superwash Merino, which is really nice, by the way, and comes in really pretty colors.I want to get more at Stitch DC and use the leftovers to make a randomly striped hat. I was inspired by a dumb teen girl movie.

Look, Ma, I knit the right front, too!But props go to Amber for forcing me to stay on track and finish the front when I bugged her while she was working at Stitch DC on Saturday, and THEN she subtly encouraged me to cast on for the second sleeve, aka the last thing to knit, so I did, and by Sunday night I had several inches of the second sleeve done while watching all of season 3 of The Closer that I had recorded in August and not watched at all.and now I'm actually close to being done with the sleeve.

I'm not sure what I'll do when I no longer have this sweater to knit.

but there's something wrong when you just feel like you're the hardest little button to button

2007-10-02T06:34:00.001-04:00

Thank you all, Not Jess is allowing me to blog again.

See what my Fairy Godmother sent me?She said it was a clue. I just like the buttons.

So Crazy Lady. In April I was wearing some pair of fingerless mitts I made myself and she indicated somehow the she wanted a pair, and it was her birthday this week and she's in Virginia making my life crazier this week, so I am making her Fetching. Almost done. She sees the finished one.

"I thought fingerless gloves were supposed to have fingers, at least. I don't understand how anyone can wear these and not have their fingers get cold. I want a pair of fingerless gloves with actual fingers."

*sigh*

fools i said you do not know silence like a cancer grows

2007-09-30T09:40:00.001-04:00

I know everyone was being silent on my last post in honor of Marcel Marceau, but Not Jess won't let me post anything else until you all comment on what a fabulous seaming job she's done.

i keep mine hidden but it's so easy for you because you let yours flail into public view

2007-09-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how starting a new job filled with four fun-filled days of orientation about one's new organization can exhaust one. At least I have successfully reknit everything I frogged on Sunday. But I'm too tired to take a picture. Instead, here's a picture of someone who is not Jess' amazing seaming work on the cardigan she's made in The Fibre Company's Terra, one of the most amazing yarns, merino, baby alpaca, and silk, which I think she's done in Eucalyptus (bottom left of the page).Yes, there really is a seam in this picture.

I, myself, started one in Blue Spruce, before I moved, having bought most of the skanks available in that colorway at Stitch DC, which means who knows where that is. But I shall finish it. Especially after seeing this.

she said wait a minute honey i'm gonna add it up

2007-09-23T23:42:00.000-04:00

So I finished the sleeve, with like, seven different shoulder techniques, the saddle-set-in-drop-raglan-cap sleeveand so I started on the front. So let's look at the math here.

I worked 2.5" of ribbing, for a total of 2.5".

The pattern then said to work stockinette stitch until the piece measured 3".

So I proceeded to work an additional 3" of stockinette stitch, for now a total of 5.5".

The pattern then said to said some stitches on a holder, and work until the piece measured 9".

So I proceeded to work an additional 9" of stockinette stitch, for now a total of 14.5".

Does anyone else see the error in my math, here? Anyone?

I'd like to point out that I was doing this today, while sitting at Stitch DC, talking to Jess and Not Jess, and nobody caught my mistake, especially not me. (I blame only myself for this.) And I just finished this sort of complicated pocket left front piece and combined all of these pieces together and worked all the way up to the 14.5" until I realized my mistake, that I just knit way the fuck fucking more than I fucking needed to and this whole fucking thing looked longer than it should have the entire fucking time fucking anyway fuck fuck fuck cocksucking fuck fuck me fuck.

FUCK.

I now have 196 yards of Aurora 8 to frog.

Oh yeah.

FUCK.

can't stop addicted to the shin dig

2007-09-21T02:29:00.000-04:00

Hands hurt knitting sleeve want to finish knitting it must stop for the night/morning get sleep need sleep can't stop even to punctuate this post here was sleeve last night at 6 PMand this morning at 10 AMand tonight at 8 PMand now it's way way way longer even than that it's over 21 inches long which is longer than the pattern calls for but I'm making everything longer and there's an error in the pattern but I called Black Purl and they were super nice and told me what the error was and someone else called just today and asked them the same thing so someone else is out there making this too can you imagine oh and the pumpkin hat is from the book Itty Bitty Hats and yes it does fit me

have i ever told you how good it feels to hold you it isn't easy to explain

2007-09-19T08:23:00.000-04:00

An unexpected call came from Trixie on Friday night with the news that she was getting her son on Saturday. Must knit something!What could be more perfect than a pumpkin hat, really, in Karabella Aurora 8?

why do we never get an answer when we're knocking at the door

2007-09-16T22:58:00.001-04:00

Most all y'all won't be interested in this questionnaire, so skip it. (I changed some things and took it out from behind the cut for now.)

Fiber Fairy Godmother Questionnaire

General Fiber Questions:
What are your fiber-related hobbies? (Knit, Crochet, Spinning, Needlepoint, etc.) - knit, crochet, some needlepoint, cross-stitch, embroidery, quilting, sewing, crewel, tatting
How long? - forever
Which are you *most* into? - knitting
How would you classify yourself in this craft - beginner, intermediate, advanced? - advanced, I guess
What is your current fiber-related obsession? - I don't really have one
What are your favorite items to make? - socks
What are you making right now? - a sweater for my friend Bill and fingerless mitts and a million other things
What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do? - everything, kind of

About the fiber:
Your favorite yarn(s) (brand or type)? - I don't know that I have one. Anything wonderful.
What fibers do you absolutely *not* like? - acrylic tends to feel icky, and sometimes cotton feels like rope to knit with but it depends on what one it making
Is there a yarn you've been dying to try? - something made from corn? I don't know?
Are you a fiber snob? - probably.

About the tools:
Hardwood, Bamboo, Aluminum, Plastic? - depends on what I'm making.
For knitters: Straight, DPN or Circular needles? - DPNs and circulars
Favorite gadget? - swift
Anything you've been wanting to try? - ?

About you:
Do you pamper yourself? Or do you generally come last? - last, recently
What does an ideal day off/free hour consist of for you? - shopping
Are you allergic to anything? - no
What is your family situation? (Partner, spouse, kids, etc.) - undergoing a divorce
Are you owned by any pets? - we're fighting for custody of the cat
Your favorite color(s)? - weird shades of green.
Any colors you just can't stand? - I'm not big on blue
What's your favorite scent? (for candles, bath products etc.) - lavender
Least favorite? (Maybe you're not "allergic," but it makes you want to die) - rose
How do you feel about candy? - I'm okay with it but it's no big deal to me
Any dietary restrictions? - no
Is there anything that you collect? - cookbooks and kitchen gadgets, because I love to cook
What is your favorite holiday? - I don't really have one but maybe Halloween
Do you have an online wish list (e.g. Amazon, Things I Want)? If so, share the link. If nothing else, it will give your Godmother more ideas about your likes/dislikes. - I'll send it along later
Can your computer/stereo play MP3s? - yes, it's a Mac
What kind of music do you like? -jazz, old school punk (The Clash, Ramones) and new wave
Any special requests in case your Godmother wants to make a CD for you? - no, I'm eclectic
Favorite movie(s)? - Singin' in the Rain
Any "fan" stuff? (e.g. Firefly, Wonder Woman, etc.) - not really
Anything we missed? Tell, Tell! - my yarn stash is terrifyingly huge. It's in two cities. Even I don't know what I have.

so i turned myself to face me but i've never caught a glimpse of how the others must see the faker

2007-09-12T19:43:00.000-04:00

So, here's the sweater I'm making for my friendalthough I'm not sure you can see the cable braid down the sleeves. I'm done with the back, oh glorious stockinette stitch done on the Metro, whilst falling asleep on the orange line (I always get on able to get one of the last seats, aren't you jealous?).Since the left and right front instructions are near to impossible to decipher, I start on a sleeve next.

And since I'm not sure I've mentioned it, I am leaving my safe cushy job of government contracting on Tuesday. I've contracted to the same federal government agency for the past five and a half years and it's a bit scary to move on to a new position. What if I fail? What if everyone sees me as the massive fuck-up that I really am? How have I faked it for this long? How will I fake it at a giant international government banking conglomerate that spans, oh, the whole world?

the sun is white and the moon is grey and the river is black and blue and green

2007-09-07T04:42:00.001-04:00

And I lied when I said I'd start the second mitt because instead I started a cardigan for my friend Bill out of Karabella Aurora 8, color 22 which is a charcoal grey, beautiful, it's a Black Purl pattern but the picture isn't on their Web site (poor small little company needs help with their Web site design). Here's a bad picture of the ribbing, although I have about 9 inches of the back done so far.

twenty hours later i fill the room with bad sex and bad tea

2007-09-03T22:54:00.000-04:00

I'm knitting the Composed Mitts from the Fall Interweave Knitsand I got Jess to help me with the bobbles which means she made all of them and then I put the knitting down for a week and picked it up again yesterday hanging with Jess and Shelley at Stitch DC and did a few rows and then this morning knit one whole mitt, blocked it and will start the second tomorrow. Here are some pics.This is blurry but shows the true colors.Yes there are a trillion kabillion ends to weave in after the blockingage. Which commenced after these pictures were taken. I used The Fibre Company Khroma which is gloriousity to knit with (purchased at Stitch DC).

Okay so. I was chatting with Ann and we were talking about if and when and how it's appropriate to tell someone that they were/are really bad in bed for whatever reason (too small, too fast, poor technique, any or all of the above, etc.). She suggested sending an anonymous letter from yousuckatsex.com but of course, it doesn't really exist. This brings me to two questions:

1. Should we purchase yousuckatsex.com and set up an anonymous letter writing service so people can know that they truly suck at sex? This night be a service we're providing, here. This might be our chance to swoop in.

2. How does one tell one, or does one tell one, ever, that they suck at sex? And if one were to ever break up with one for the sex suckassageness, and were not to tell one, what reason would one use to break up with one?

i guess i fell in love too quick kinda got burned up by a red head chick

2007-08-28T00:07:00.000-04:00

I have the best hairdresser ever. Even battling jet lag after doing hair for the Miss Teen USA Pageant, he found time to do my hair, badly in need of a cut and color since it was looking very Raggedy Ann.I hate that my already freakishly huge eyes look even freakishlyer hugeier in photographs. What the cock? I'm the living embodiment of an anime character. I am Sailor Moon. Only the auburn haired one. Sailor Jupiter.

Or, really, Clara Bow. Go ahead, I've presearched Google for you. Take a look at the first picture. Yeah. Ironic, isn't it, since she was the It Girl?

it was a naked girl right in my face high class culture all over the place

2007-08-27T04:22:00.000-04:00

You know when it's hot out and you're sleeping naked and it's 4 AM and there's a loud knocking on your door and you're all confused and you eventually come to with a start and you go to answer the door and it's the police and they're telling you your neighbor has been wandering around the airport with her pajamas on and what all do you know about her, is she close to her family, and you're telling them you don't know her, have never seen her, you've only lived here for three weeks, but it's sad that she's in her pajamas, and you suddenly realize that you aren't in yours, that you've been standing there naked the entire seven minutes you've been talking to them, and you can't turn around now, because that would be churlish, you just have to suck it up and hope to fucking FSM it all ends soon?

I hate when that happens.

your tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear

2007-08-07T14:45:00.000-04:00

I'm...tired. Just plain tired.

I'm moved, and I don't even know if I can begin to tell the story of the move just yet. But I'm moved. I can't go public with everything else yet but my foot is still bandaged although I'm off the crutches. And I'm surviving, somehow.

can't you see i'm a fool in so many ways but to lose all my senses that is just so typically me

2007-07-28T10:43:00.000-04:00

And so I was on my way to work yesterday and I tripped over the perfectly even and not uneven at all brick sidewalks on Pennsylvania Avenue and twisted my ankle and pulled several ligaments and chipped a bone and I'm on crutches and yes, I am moving on Wednesday and no, I can't hire movers, why do you ask?

you wanna be crazy so you wanna go crazy let's go crazy

2007-07-25T13:04:00.000-04:00

Umm. So. A few things. I've been remiss.

Yesterday was Trixie's birthday. So wish her a happy belated one, yo.

Last night, Jess, Ellie and Karida treated me to birthday dinner at The Regent which was awesome, even though Jess had to ride a half block out of her way to get there.

I move in a week and I am totally unprepared.

I move to Virginia and I don't know that I'm terribly happy about it.

But Jess says there's a Dogfish Head Alehouse opening up in Falls Church so that makes me happy.

I'm changing my marital status and my umm, some other things which I can't talk about yet but I think I'm possibly changing too many MAJOR things AT ONCE and maybe I am making a huge mistake. You know?

please allow me to introduce myself

2007-07-24T15:30:00.000-04:00

All y'all WISH you were as cool as me.

You Are The Devil

You don't represent evil, but you do represent the animalistic side of humans. You demonstrate what happens when we listen to our first instincts. At times you tend to be materialistic and hedonistic, giving in to temptation. Admit it, you're guilty of acting first - and forgetting to think later!

Your fortune:

Right now, you may be having a difficult time as a result of choices you have made.
You need to think about what's important in your life, and discover what chains you down. It is the time to acknowledge your faults and take steps to overcome them. It's also the time to let go of any fears or inhibitions that are holding you back.

What Tarot Card Are You?

and the best thing you've ever done for me is to help me take my life less seriously it's only life after all

2007-07-18T13:47:00.001-04:00

Melissa is holding a contest until her birthday for an excellent cause.

Please consider participating.

sometime i wonder what i'm gonna do there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

2007-07-12T14:38:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure this is the right time to do this. Or that there's any time to do this. I'm going to write this not to make people to feel sorry for me. I don't want that. I just want to express myself.

I used to love the summer. I used to love July. July was Potential.

These past two months have been, well, awful. But the upshot is, my health is still poor, I'm frustrated and bored at work, I'm moving to DC permanently, I'm moving within DC to a new place in two weeks and I haven't even begun to think about packing, also I have no furniture, I've lost my knitting and crochet mojo, so while I really really want to knit and crochet, I just sit and stare and yarn and don't pick it up, I seem to have lost most, if not all, of my friends in Georgia, and I don't know why, and, my brother has taken to calling me and screaming at me about what an evil, horrible, fat, ugly, alcoholic I am. Oh, and yeah.

I'm getting a divorce.

Birthday? What birthday?

ETA:
By the way, the "mannequin" pictured the other day? Some of you commented that at least she has a head? That's all she is, a head. There's no body there. Gives you a whole new perspective, doesn't it?

when evening comes i am alive i love to prowl around in the streets

2007-07-10T13:45:00.000-04:00

Mmm. Slaughter. I loved me some Slaughter back in high school.

11:59 PM tonight.

Be there.

I will.

PS: Is it wrong how much I am in love with Alan Rickman? And Snape? And Alan Rickman as Snape?

please send me evenings and weekends shared by with the weeks

2007-07-09T10:40:00.000-04:00

A photo montage of my weekend.

you looked really kind of cool well come along with me

2007-07-06T13:57:00.000-04:00

Miss Grace has done me the ~~dubious~~ stupendous honor of naming me a
and therefore I shall ~~inflict this torture~~ do the same to five others.

Meg
Ann
Jill
Trixie
Dragon

Pass it on, ladies. I'm off to look at apartments.

all i needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand

2007-07-04T22:21:00.001-04:00

I really need to thank some people. I've been remiss.

Zardra and Melissa for sending me care packages that picked me up when I needed them.

Dragon Knitter for offering to send me chocolate. I'm holding you in reserves.

Janice, both Jen and La, Ann, Rabbitch, Imbrium, and Trixie, for long IM sessions, e-mails, and phone calls, mostly of me whining, but first and foremost, for not judging me, even though I deserve to be judged.

Melissa, words can never express what you've done for me or how much you've helped me. I'll miss you when I stop coming to Atlanta.

And not jess and not your mother, thanks for helping me sort out my priorities and getting me to go to the doctor this week.

plato the greek or rin tin tin who's more famous to the billion millions

2007-07-03T09:42:00.000-04:00

I'm going to do this post now, so that everyone forgets the real date when it comes around. Stolen from JenLa, among others.

The rules: You go to Wikipedia (I refuse to link to it because it you aren't using Firefox with the Wikipedia search window in the corner, you're fucking lame) and type in your birthday (day and month only). Then post three events, two births and one holiday that occurred on your birthday.

July 18

Three Events

1982: 268 peasants are slain in the Plan de Sánchez massacre in Ríos Montt's Guatemala.
1984: McDonald's Massacre: In San Ysidro CA, James Oliver Huberty opened fire in a McDonald's, killing 21 people and injuring 19 others before being shot dead by police.
1989: Actress Rebecca Schaeffer was shot to death by a crazed fan/stalker.

Two Births

1895: Machine Gun Kelly
1937: Hunter S. Thompson

One Holiday

Constitution Day of Uruguay

i used to be an a student i never used to complain i used to be a truant but i'm still the same

2007-06-29T23:53:00.000-04:00

So I was at work the other day and after all of the bullshit I've been going through, the last thing I need is, well, more. And a coworker said something that came across as deliberately mean to me. She thought she was being all holier than thou, you know? All I did was try to reach out to someone I had drifted away from and see if she wanted to walk, literally, 100 feet to grab some food and walk back with me, and a few hours later, she said she couldn't see how she could do it, because she couldn't be friendly enough with me to spend time with me to walk 100 feet with me to grab food.

Apparently my presence is so incredibly fucking repulsive that to exchange pleasantries and small talk would be horrific. She couldn't even lie, and say, oh, I don't know, "I'm sorry, I forgot I have to make a phone call, maybe some other time," or something equally as insincere. No, she had to say that she couldn't go in as meanly a way as possible, to the not-quite-healed woman going through what I amwhose friends are choosing sides and who has already had her so-called "best friend" decide that she couldn't be friends with her anymore (and yes, the co-worker knew most of the details, and it all sucks and blows goats with the stink of a million burning arrows searing into my eyeballs).

Where's the fucking compassion for the fellow human being?

So I left work early and I stayed home sick the next day and went in today and she KNEW, she fucking knew I had left because of her, fuck, I hate that she knew that her words affected me at all, that pisses me off.

it's a long lost cause i can never win for the civilized world accepts as unforgiveable sin any talking out loud with any librarian

2007-06-27T00:09:00.000-04:00

So this week is the American Library Association's Annual Conference in DC and the only thing that comes to mind when I see the frumpy band of freaks parading around the streets is that I would never be a member of a club that would have me as a member (to paraphrase Groucho Marx).

Where the fuck do these people come from?

I work goddamned hard to break the stereotype of the librarian. Meanwhile, I am a damn good librarian. But it seems like everyone attending this conference is dressed like a, well, a. Sheesh. I hate to say it.

Like a librarian.

Do they all have to wear ankle length skirts? Sensible orthopaedic shoes? No makeup? Has any of them ever heard of moisturizer? A loofah? Hair color?

What happened to the Lipstick Librarian or all of the modified librarians?

WHERE ARE YOU?

all the times when we were close i'll remember these things the most

2007-06-26T01:27:00.001-04:00

Just.

Does it get any easier?

Will I ever stop crying?

and the message coming from my eyes says leave it alone

2007-06-20T05:40:00.000-04:00

Umm. Don't know how else to put it but that my life has kind of imploded. Some of you know what's going on. I'd appreciate it if you didn't discuss it in the comments or anything.

It's kind of like when I found out my father was going to die and I had a few months to prepare and then he died and I still wasn't prepared for him to be gone.

So if I'm not around too much, I'm kind of hiding out, licking my wounds, feeling like a loser failure. I don't know when I've ever felt so low in my life. I'll be around sometimes. Just. I don't know how often.

i dreamed about ray charles last night he took me flying in the air

2007-06-13T23:57:00.000-04:00

I miss my father it's sad he'zs been dead for three years so haws ray charles I drank a blue drink it was neon blue and had fruit like an orannge and a cherry with a plastic pink sword in it.

i'm just trying to do my jigsaw puzzle before it rains anymore

2007-06-12T09:18:00.000-04:00

Don't know how many Car Talk listeners there are out there (you can listen to the podcast, like I do, although it isn't my favorite, as some of you who read the comments of JenLa might know, and they're gonna ban me from commenting, I swear), but anyhoo, this week's puzzler is a knitting-related one.

You can read it here. Maybe even win.

let the sun never blind your eyes let me sleep so my teeth won't grind

2007-06-11T09:26:00.000-04:00

Umm. I haven't slept yet. It's 9:30 AM. I'm tired.

Yesterday I went to Knitch and saw Melissa and Jen and Fatimah and Evil Science Chick and Claudia. AND others whom I kinda met. But I was also a total ditz whose life is sorta falling apart and I had to take a phone call which lasted for *choke* over an hour for which I wholly apologize.

And did I mention I got the blood of an anorexic? So afterwards Melissa took me to Belly for my daily food intake, which was a half sandwich and half of a red velvet cupcake. I lugged the other half sandwich back to DC and I'll eat it today. Maybe even right now.

And then I IMed Rabbitch until the wee hours of the morning.

Did I mention I've lost 20 pounds this month in my anorexic state?

now all the boys are after me and that's the way it's gonna be

2007-05-31T04:08:00.000-04:00

So, what have I been up to? Here are some random pics from Tuesday night's Knit Purl Hurl. My alcohol tolerance is shot, so towards the end, there, I might have been losing it some.

First, my ripple blanket in progress. Still life with Guinness.Next we have Jess (who, insanely enough, even for her, was seaming a black lace sweater's set-in sleeves. In the bar. Yeah.), Ellie and Micah, trying to sneak in an ultra-sexy pose for the ladies as I took the picture.And Alena, dragged to our insanity by Libbyand the only decent picture of me all night.But the best part was the surprise waiting for Jess from her boyfriend.An Iron Maiden lunchbox! With a Thermos!Jess' lunches are gonna taste sooooo much better from now on.

like the sweetest cup i'd share with you you lift me up don't you ever stop

2007-05-25T16:42:00.001-04:00

And now I have Simple Minds in my head.

Okay, I know I've been gone for awhile, and I want to say thank you to everyone who commented or thought about commented but instead was a lazy-ass lurker like I usually am or who called me or texted me or sent me good vibes or vibes or reiki or whatever.

Yes, I am alive. As many of you saw in the comments in my last post, and in Melissa's posts, and in subsequent posts, Melissa took me to the ER, blood transfusion, I flew back to DC a day later, had a subsequent ER visit, and have been out of work this entire time.

And without the interwebs.

For those of you who were inspired enough by my tale to give blood, I think that's awesome. I used to give blood often, and, if I am allowed to when I have some to spare, will give it again. Someone with B+ blood, maybe two someones, gave blood for me, and saved my life. I never thought much about my giving blood when I did give it, but now that I've gotten blood, I have to say, it's a miracle.

For those of you who can't give blood because you literally faint, or you've tried and your blood is unacceptable, that's fine. Knit something extra for charity you might not have, or donate time to a soup kitchen, or do nothing.

Except.

Can we please stop treating our menstrual cycles like some hidden shameful secret?

I found out last night that The Man Who Lives in the House's aunt has this EXACT SAME FUCKING PROBLEM EIGHT YEARS AGO. When I met her, she had just had surgery for "private, female issues." When The Man told Enabling Alcoholic what had happened to me, she was all, "Oh, yeah, that's what those private, female issues were that your aunt had."

FUCKFUCKUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

I said previously that Amy saved my life with her post about it. Gee, do you think if we hadn't kept this all private and secret, that had I known what had happened to The Man's aunt even a little bit, that I might have FUCKING GONE TO THE DOCTOR BEFORE IT WAS ALMOST TOO FUCKING LATE AND THE ONLY REASON IT WASN'T WAS BECAUSE I CHOSE TO GO TO AN OB/GYN WHO DOESN'T TAKE INSURANCE SO SHE COULD SEE ME RIGHT AWAY AND HAD I WAITED TO SEE ONE WHO TOOK INSURANCE I WOULD STILL FUCKING BE WAITING??!!!!?!?!?!?!?

My in-laws are probably sorry I didn't die.

In any event, I'll show some ripple progress later, after I nap a bit.

E2A:
Did I say thank you to all of you for your support? Cuz, really, thank you. My doctor just called and my anemia is almost GONE!!!

the phantom slips in to spill blood even on the sweetest honeymoon

2007-05-12T09:07:00.000-04:00

I'm going to be a little more personal, here, than I usually am, because I guess I'm a little more troubled right now than I usually am.

I know I've been a bit sarcastic or made references to the fact that dear Auntie Flo is the bane of my existence, and of late has not really gone away, but this has turned into a serious situation, and if anyone at all reading this someday (as if that's likely) can be helped, I'd rather say it than not.

I have always had irregular periods, since I started menstruating at twelve years old. Doctors have always pretty much said there's nothing that could be done for me, and eventually, I gave up on going to the doctor. Of course, if you know me, you also know that I have possibly the lowest self-esteem it's possible to have. I think there's a connection between health and self-esteem. After all, I don't think I'm worthy of being healthy, so I'm not worthy of going to the doctor when I'm sick.

So when I started yet another lengthy heavy period back in November (October?), I didn't think much of it. The fact that it was extremely heavy didn't worry me much. Heavier than usual, and I don't know if even any women out there could possibly understand how heavy I mean (and I'll spare the details). And months went by and I saw it as par for the course and stress-related and punishment for some imagined crime or something.

And eventually, I started feeling very sick and me, the workaholic, started missing work. And I missed significant hours of work during the month of April. And I felt too sick to suck it up and go in.

And I was poking around and I read indigirl's post about how she had similar health problems and saw a doctor and was frustrated but she saw a doctor anyway and I commented on her post and she wrote me back and encouraged me to go to the doctor even though I was frustrated.

And I stopped making excuses and I saw a doctor.

And I had tests done.

And, as it turns out, while I'm not entirely sure what is causing the heavy, ongoing periods yet, the blood loss is so significant, I need a blood transfusion. Next week, if not sooner. Because I am now lacking 50% of the blood in my body. And I am close to cardiac arrest. I can barely eat anything, or move, or sit up, and knitting is out. Because my heart wants to do as little as possible.

I haven't had the transfusions yet, and it might be too late for me. But it might not. I owe you, Amy. I might owe you my life. I definitely owe you my gratitude and sanity and a host of other things I am not talking about yet here.

Don't wait to go to the doctor. No matter how poor or low on self-esteem you feel. Don't wait until it's too late.

E2A:
To be clear, I don't *think* I'm going to die, but I don't see the doctor for a few days, and I'm at a critical stage now. It's hard for me to be Pollyanna, "I'm going to be okay!" when I feel so tired all the time and when I know that I am basically bleeding to death. I know I am close to the "cardiac arrest" point, but I don't know how close. Also, thanks for your support; I need it. I am kind of going through this alone, due to other circumstances in my life, so, uh, I appreciate the words.

'cuz the old black rum's got a hold on me like a dog wrapped 'round my leg

2007-05-10T13:46:00.000-04:00

Note to self.

When drinking five Dark and Stormys, which I highly recommend you do again because they're tasty as all fuck, try to eat something, because otherwise, at 2 PM the next day, you'll still have a hangover, and if the fucking coffee place near work can't make a decent Americano and you have to wait until you get to the airport later on, you're fucked for all of your meetings today.

That is all.

you're gonna see the reason why when they're spittin' in your eye they'll be spittin' in your eye

2007-05-09T08:54:00.000-04:00

Just read this on CNN.

And Georgia wonders why it's ranked dead last in education.

(Just an FYI, I have things to post about, but my stolen wireless has been spotty. Hopefully it'll become more stable.)

make me wanna do tricks for him lick him like a lollipop should be licked

2007-05-06T22:23:00.000-04:00

My life is messed up and fucked up and dumba dn stupid and crazy and weird and I have a glimmer of hope for the future and some self-esteem and self-confidence building back up.

And some bamboo.

i got a pocket full of cheese and a garden full of trees

2007-05-02T22:54:00.000-04:00

So my pictures are fraught with suckassageness moreso tonight than ever so I can't show you what I'm working on but let me tell you, and, I hope, someone won't be mad at me about it, but I'm making a sample crocheted scarf for Neighborhood Fiber Company in Studio Worsted, in the Mt. Pleasant colorway (second down on the left, here.

So because I a) don't really know how to crochet, I just pretend I do but moving the little hooky thingy between yarn and my fingers and stuff, and b) have no idea what I'm doing with crochet, and c) see a and b, above, this thing looks rather fucked up now that I'm in the third row/ripple. Oh yeah I adapted the ripple design I adapted for the ripple blanket which is working well in the blanket and looks kinda fucked up in the scarf. But I'm pretending like I meant to do it that way and umm. Nobody in the world will ever want this pattern written down because nobody in the world will ever want it replicated, except that the yarn is beautiful and gorgeous and really, really nice.

And *ahem* when Karida gets around to having any time at all and has made every colorway she wants to, in about ten years or so, I look forward to a Columbia Heights colorway. Or, you know, Roswell, Georgia. Which would ruin the whole DC neighborhood thing. Which is why it's a pipe dream of mine. Cuz there are a lot of DC neighborhoods.

You know, the other day, I was walking down the street looking like shit so of course I got picked to be interviewed for some TV thing and the guy was asking me about development at the old convention center spot and I went on and on about disenfranchisement of the working poor by developing areas in the district and he said they were looking to give it a new neighborhood name and what did I think about that and I said I thought it would be many years before people stopped calling it "The Old Convention Center."

"Hey, Joe, I'm buying a condo at Fenty Plaza!"
"Where?"
"Fenty Plaza!"
"Where's that?"
"You know! 9th and H Street NW!"
"Oh, you mean where the old convention center used to be?"

I wonder what the Old Convention Center colorway would look like...

all the seasons and the times of your days all the nickels and the dimes of your days

2007-05-01T00:22:00.000-04:00

Umm. I'm feeling a bit shell-shocked and if you came here because Melissa said to, thanks. I don't really want to talk about it just yet. So let's talk about yarn, shall we?

The majority opinion the poll results indicated that I should "Figure out the correct number of stitches for the larger size, and don't fuck it up this time." So I messed around with it and a few other patterns I found and that were sent to me (thanks, Lauren!) and came up with something that seemed to work tonight while watching the utterly forgettable Hayley and Hilary Duff film, "Material Girls." Lukas Haas should be tarred and feathered for agreeing to appear in this movie. I have no pics because umm. Only three rows done.

In any event, I did make one of the Rainy Day socks from the March MagKnits (what happened to MagKnits? Does anyone know? No April edition? No notification? Will there be a new one today?) in Debbie Bliss Baby Cashmerino (yes, the actual called-for yarn).
Look, I did a gusset, even. I hate gussets.My toe looks slightly messed up. I knit two rows shorter than suggested.Does it look bad?

reach out your hand if your cup be empty if your cup be full may it be again

2007-04-25T23:37:00.000-04:00

I've been strongly inspired of late by the amazing ripple afghan here, and decided to go for it (with consultation from my yarn mistress Jess) with Mission Falls 1824 Wool, because all of the colors go together in a weird and wonderful way.I found a link somewhere to a random stripe generator and came up with a look I rather like as inspiration. Then we poked around the Google to find a ripple stitch pattern we liked, and came up with this one. But my meager attempt to increase the number of stitches from 100 to 160 ended poorly.And now it's frogged and I have to start again. So, poll time.

E2A:
Sorry, Linda, it wasn't Bruce Springsteen quoted in the last post/non-post title. It was Cher. I never claimed not to have eclectic taste in music.

but every night all the men would come around and lay their money down

2007-04-24T05:55:00.001-04:00

I've removed the post I put up while I think about it some more.

so here's to the golden moon and here's to the silver sea

2007-04-16T15:01:00.000-04:00

To Don Ho, whom I've only seen satirized and on that one episode of "Eight is Enough" where they went to the luau in Hawaii.

I hesitate to give too much of a review, but I need all y'all to know...Grindhouse was awesome.

un dias bien el otro negro

2007-04-15T11:38:00.000-04:00

Don't you hate it when you have a BIG! and LIFE-ALTERING! decision to make and you don't know what the answer is but you know you don't want to face ANY of the choices you have before you and it would be soooo much easier to hole up and hide in bed and just let the world go on around you for awhile?

Yeah. That's me right now. Just when I thought I'd do that, too, well...I found out something even suckier today about someone I loved and respected and it's been really hard to process this information. Or to even reconcile the actions with the person I knew.

So let me give a shout-out, yo, to Zardra who sent me a care package filled with candy and cookies last week. Because I need them, seriously. And she sent me one months ago which I shamefully didn't post about. A crocheted wallet that I use all the time and hand-dyed sock yarn that is way too pretty to use and a black sheep and other goodies.

I need that care package right now. I really appreciate it. I'm like that character in Lil' Abner with the black cloud over his head.

But I have been (rather painfully) knitting a pair of worsted-weight socks out of Lorna's Laces Shepherd Worsted in Purple Club. It's slow going but I've done the heel already and will be done soon with the first one in all of its glorious purplosity.

ETA: Joe Btfsplk. I have no idea why I know that at the age of 32. I am a fount of 1930s and 1940s pop culture references.

how can i explain personal pain how can i explain personal pain

2007-04-11T15:19:00.000-04:00

So I was at lunch in the food court here and I was happily grooving on the iPod and reading and eating and WHAMMO! something heavy and hard dropped onto my head and bounced off and into my food and it was the brass fixture for the overhead sprinkler and oh my fucking FSM that hurt like a motherfucker and now I have a migraine.

tell me you're crazy maybe then i'll understand

2007-04-04T01:12:00.000-04:00

In case all y'all missed the comment on my last post from Melissa, let me quote it here:

Um, so...I got hit by a car this morning. Nothing broken. We can sink into a Vicodin haze together.

It's bad karma from me, I know it. Or carma. Everyone who knows me, stop knowing me right...about...now.

in answer to pain smoking in the dark cinema

2007-04-03T20:53:00.000-04:00

MAKE THE PAIN FUCKING STOP SO I CAN KNIT AGAIN!

Also, while you're at it...Aunt Flo? Week 13. Please. Go away. At this point, my heart is pumping blood to keep up with you.

hear the sharpen of the pain lucky stranger pouring rain

2007-03-25T23:10:00.000-04:00

i got hit by a car on friday morning. broken right hand, broken feet, sprained knee. i've asked Melissa to take over for awhile, if she has time, while i pretend to be Dr. House and let vicodin take me away.

Melissa Edit

I'm sure that all of you realize by now that our lovely hostess is, in fact, out of her mind. She is not taking it easy at home. She is at work. I already told her that she should go home. Everyone join me in scolding her now.

For your amusement, the text conversation we had yesterday.

itgirl:
I broke my right hand. And foot. And sprained my left foot and left hand.

Melissa:
What?!

itgirl:
Got hit by a car yesterday. Wanna guest blog for me for a few days?

Melissa:
What?!

itgirl:
Please?

Now then, raise your hand if you thought that second "What?!" had anything to do with blogging. At this point, I just called to make sure she was okay and remind her blogging should be the least of her concerns. Ok, woman, I'd better not see a single post from you for the next few days as you should be taking it easy and typing with injured wrists...stop it right now.

still got to work that eight hour day whether you like that job or not

2007-03-20T19:16:00.000-04:00

Sorry, everyone. Still working like a fierce one.

Also, I'm knitting something secret now, so I can't show it off. However, I did chop off all of my hair again and ~~bleached~~ decolorified it in pieces in the front.

Yes, apparently it's no longer called bleach, but rather, decolorification agent. Does this mean knitting needles are now instruments of yarnage?

do you hear me do you care

2007-03-14T02:23:00.000-04:00

2:22 AM.

Still at work.

Meeting at 10 AM.

This completes the explanation of why I haven't updated. Not that anyone's still reading me.

well i just got back and i wish i never leave now where'd you go

2007-03-10T02:15:00.000-05:00

Beer.Good.
So I was checked in for my flight and was on my way to the airport and the genral had asked me earlier to work like all weekend and i reallyt need tyo cuz the work wont get done otherwise so i said ok aND I realized it would drive me ctrazy to go home and work so i canceled my flight no man who lives in the house this weekend and stayerd at work until 11 and will work all weekend so no stitch for me even which you know sucks.

code monkey like fritos code monkey like tab and mountain dew code monkey very simple man with big warm fuzzy secret heart code monkey like you

2007-03-02T14:41:00.000-05:00

Finally trying to catch up on my blogs on my day off where I actually work yet again, I read Big Alice and decided to jump on what is apparently a bandwagon that I have not yet seen anywhere else, here's my list of random things I like:

sunshine from my skylights when I'm lying in bed being lazy
the smell of my cat's fur
cheeseburgers, rare, with cheddar cheese and mustard
daffodils
roller coasters
sushi
Maine lobster, eaten on the beach in Maine
maps of Antarctica
infomercials starring loud, annoying men with fake Australian accents
the sound of my house
Anne of Green Gables (the book)
Pride and Prejudice (the book)
"Pride and Prejudice" (the 5+ hour 1995 BBC miniseries)
Bass Ale
Guinness
Fuller's London Porter
Newcastle Brown Ale
Anchor Porter
Fat Tire Amber Ale
Brooklyn Brown Ale
Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout
Johnny Walker Black, neat

agent orange color blindness as we works from door to door

2007-02-26T01:06:00.000-05:00

What do you get when you combine a weird and unexpected snowstorm on a Sunday morning, a Metrobus that lost control on Connecticut Avenue, three classic Hollywood musicals, delivery lasagna and the Academy Awards?

Not a whole lot, actually.

Combine the above with nine balls of Karabella Margrite and the new book Lace Style?8.5 inches of stockinette goodness, and the end of the first ball.

(Color is kinda close, although actual color looks a little less of a blood orange. And yes, I appreciate the irony of a sweater that has endless amounts of stockinette stitch on a size 6 needle while still appearing in the book Lace Style.)

in the winter time the roses died the blood ran cold

2007-02-22T21:21:00.000-05:00

Dear Aunt Flo:

You've been here for more than seven weeks. There's nothing left. Please, go the fuck home already.

Thank you.

The Management

a kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat or help you at the automat

2007-02-20T23:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, y'all, I went to Wasabi for sushi and not only was the sushi really good but it's almost an automat. A sushi automat. I love an automat. I think the automat should come back. I love sushi. It's a melding of two perfect things, like The Rock and "Bring It On" in the movie "Be Cool."

Karida said, "well on the plus side, the former boss that is now merged and all super-conglomo is at least a place the feds will have heard of, let's call them "smell south." it's not like you're telling them that you used to work for some crazy out of business ice cream shop."

Yeah, I might have had a better time with the crazy out of business ice cream shop than with SmellSouth.

Umm. I feel like I should tie these two disparate thoughts together. The thing is, I hate feeling like I have to blog, but I've been busy and stuff and have lost the interwebs and all and stuff and like people pressured me to blog. So here's a pictures of stuff. I went to Libby's yesterday.
Libby knitting Tubey on her couch
Matt's leg and the tail of a cat
Cat and Ott
A closeup of the scarf I'm making The Man Who Lives in the House out of Karabella Iris
The Man Who Lives in the House for the naysayers who don't know or believe I'm married.
He doesn't always dress like a pirate.

i stretched back and i hiccuped and looked back on my busy day eleven hours in the tin pan god there's got to be a better way

2007-02-09T14:50:00.000-05:00

Imagine, for a moment.

You are the former employee of a Fortune 50 company. Your employment ended six years ago.

Happily working at a new job, minding your own business, you suddenly find yourself in need of a US Government security clearance. Said clearance requires street addresses and phone numbers and contact names of all former places of employment, including verification address, job location, and supervisor name and address.

The actual location of your Fortune 50 job is no more. What do you put? What do you put for phone number? A non-existent number?

Your supervisor dropped off the face of the planet. You heard he might have moved to Montana to become a rancher. This story is anecdotal.

And as it happens, your former Fortune 50 company just merged with another huge company (Fortune 10? 20? Let's just say, the monopoly that was broken up in the 1980s seems to be back again). As in, a month ago. And closed the HR department. And the HR department for the monopoly doesn't have former other company employee information for verification purposes. And the outsourced company that handles the automated system for employment verification only has employee information back five years. And you end up calling the Office of the Executive Assistant to the President of the Monopoly asking for information and even she, although incredibly nice, had no information.

And if you don't fill out this information, you lose your job.

What would you do?

great expectations everybody's watching you people you meet they all seem to know you

2007-02-08T23:54:00.000-05:00

Hey. You.

Go check out Libby's new blog. If you don't know who Libby is, check out this.

i might just throw up cause it sure does feel shitty when things just get pretty fucked up

2007-02-06T23:30:00.000-05:00

The Supersuckers for you, Jess.

Is it weird that everyone has a Wikipedia entry nowadays? Vitriola told me yesterday that this guy I once fucked has a Wikipedia entry and he just may be the most famous person either of us fucked. We wanted to edit his entry to talk about how bad in bed he was. But then I'd have to admit that I fucked the guy, which, really, I don't want to do, hence my not linking to him, and V, you better not either. But can I just put up an entry for myself or someone random like Jess or Karida and have it stay there? Aren't there like, basic rules for Wikipediaworthiness?

Anyhoo. I've been sick and workaholic me, I STAYED HOME FROM WORK. For TWO WHOLE DAYS.

And the stolen wireless network keeps going down so when I'm able, I can put up pictures of stuff.

edited to add:
Vitriola commented about said Wikifuckee:

Just imagine someone on like a semi-pro golf tour, but much, much geekier.

That pretty much sums it up. Only as geeky as you're thinking? Think even geekier. Oh, and Jess? Remind me to tell you about him, something that only you can appreciate to its fullest.

i feel stupid and contagious here we are now entertain us

2007-01-29T21:40:00.000-05:00

I guess I should put a warning here because people always say to do so but I don't like to so consider that your warning.

Am I the only person who has the problem where you'll be sitting there, amongst friends or co-workers or in a meeting and you smell something and you realize, hey, that's my snatch I'm smelling? Does everyone else smell that? (I hope the fuck not.) If they do smell it, do they know it's snatch? (I hope the fuck not.) Perhaps my snatch smells different, maybe if they smell it, they don't realize it's snatch? (I hope the fuck so.) Perhaps they don't know what it is? (I hope the fuck so.) Perhaps they don't smell it at all? (I really hope the fuck so.)

Or am I the only person who experiences this occasionally?

why wait until the middle of a cold dark night

2007-01-28T23:57:00.000-05:00

So I'm making these striped armwarmers in green and purple Nashua Julia because they are the perfect colors together and after a few stripes I decreased 2 stitches and thought, hey, I'll be all clever, and sl 1, k2tog, passo, and I don't need to twist when I change colors because that's only the CSI: Cocksucking Intarsia, and lo and behold, I got this bucket of boiled goat's assso I frogged it and I went to The Google and searched on jogless knitting round and found out how to do it plus that I did have to twist the cocksucking yarn and hey! Maybe I should spread out my decreases! And now it doesn't look like ass. As much.

don't want to hear about it every single one's got a story to tell

2007-01-24T22:39:00.000-05:00

Yeah. I can't even tell you. It's been...I don't know what. My life is confusing right now. And you know how you get like, really low, self-esteem-wise, and you don't want to inflict yourse.f on]p anyfuckingone? except when you like, let it all explode. n stuff. sorry bad migraine trouble seeing straight.

she's leaving on a midnight train to georgia

2007-01-12T01:31:00.000-05:00

The Human League version, I didn't get the lyrics wrong.

I caught the last train from work at 12:07 (I've been on a really weird tight deadline that I volunteered to do on a whim Tuesday night and now I have this assload of work almostish done in two days. I am amazing. I am a miracle. I...thrive under pressure because it forces me to do something. Anything) and we went to Open City which is where we usually go after we catch the last train and I like it because it has beer and Gen-Mai Cha and it's open until 2 AM and it was fucking closed, what the cock is that shit? So we went to the place next door that's usually open late and they said no, go to Open Shitty, WTCITS? and so we trudged over to The Diner (same link as before) and got food and were excited to get a pitcher of Fuller's London Porter and the beer lines froze up and again I say, WHAT THE COCK IS THAT SHIT?

does anybody really know what time it is does anybody really care

2007-01-10T23:33:00.001-05:00

How come on a night when I knew I had oodles of work I had a working dinner where I ended up drinking umm. More tgan I ough to have and now I have to work when all I want to do is go to sleep? Here's another shot of my hair and my purple and pink and lime green argyle socks and my blue nails that are awesome indeed. and now im gonna work.