Tuesday, December 12, 2006

my weariness amazes me i'm branded on my feet i have no one to meet

You know when you remember something awful that happened to you and you didn't want to remember and it makes you sad and upset all over again?

I remembered something today I didn't want. to. But instead of talking about that, I'm going to talk about something else I also remembered today that's sad.

When I turned eight, my parents were throwing me a big birthday party. It was going to be my first co-ed party, and the first where it was an outdoor grilling in the park. My father rented one of the pavilions you can rent in the state park, and I carefully handwrote all of the invitations. I was allowed to invite 20 people, and I chose them carefully. While the party was taking place in July, most of the kids were in town, I knew, so most would be able to make it. I blew up balloons and got a new t-shirt and new pair of jeans and my Barbie dolls and Dixie cups to catch tadpoles in in the stream and a Frisbee and the Pac-Man kickball Crazy Lady gave me and my new sneakers and we got tons of hot dogs and hamburgers and American cheese and potato chips and macaroni salad and sodas and bags of ice and ice cream cups and chocolate cake and we went to the park at the appointed time and set everything up and Crazy Lady and Rambo and my father and my father's girlfriend were all there and had buried any hatchets to be there together at the same time.

And nobody came.

Nobody RSVP'd to my invitations. Nobody called. Nobody did anything.

They just...didn't show up.

Sometimes people wonder why I have a hard time trusting people, particularly friends. I truly do not trust people to be my friend, because why would they want to be? (in my mind, anyway)

I didn't write that to evoke sympathy, or make all y'all feel sorry for me. I apologize if it came across that way.


Blogger Janice in GA said...

Jeezopete. Something like that on a smaller scale happened to my sister once. She invited a bunch of people over for a New Year's Eve do. I was the only one who showed up. That sucked. But at least she was a grownup, and could understand that people are just assholes sometimes. It's also one of the reasons I don't throw parties.

But something like that happening to a kid... jeezopete. MAJOR suckage.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Ann said...


10:17 PM  
Blogger La said...

Not a single RSVP nor declination? You'd have thought that at the very least their parents would have some manners!

Sounds like you invited a bunch of assholes.

One good thing came of it, if you want to look at it that way...4 adults who didn't usually get along, thought it was important enough to rally together to celebrate your birthday and; they actually got along.

Screw the kids. They were assholes.

I also understand your feelings on trust and friendship, I'm kinda feeling the same right now. Pretty low on the self-esteem-o-meter. I think it may be the season, I don't know. guess we'll see.

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Chris said...

Ack, that sucks! Kids are awful.

When I was in 8th grade, my best friend and I had a halloween party, and invited the Jr. High elite . . . all of whom SAID they were coming. We were sooo excited.

And then only one person showed up, and it was my stupid geeky cousin who I hoped wouldn't show. And, he had on facepaint (this was to be a NON-costume party, mind you).

11:19 AM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

bummer. and at that age, it is on the parents to rsvp. how disgusting. at least you had hotdogs for days!

12:58 PM  
Anonymous =Tamar said...

Something like that happened to a kid I knew whose family had moved to Seattle. Creeps everywhere, raising their kids to be creeps, to perdition with them all.

La is right. It also sounds to me like you're on the edge of a seasonal depression. I'd say find something to do that you enjoy, that nobody else can mess up for you. Maybe that's why people recommend helping out at food lines and visiting nursing homes - you know somebody will be there, and odds are they'll appreciate it. Either way you know you did good.

1:48 PM  
Blogger BigAlice said...

Kids suck.

This is also why I no longer throw parties. Instead I invite myself to them.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Zardra said...

Yeah, I have some trouble trusting people, too. My issues arise from the fact that people seem to forget me unless I do something preceived as bad... they can be people I only see now and again or people I see everyday.

I think the worst incident was when the movie Contact came out. Leading up to the opening I kept telling all my friends I really wanted to see it and we should all go together as a group. So, the movie opened and I called around, but no one was home. One friend finally called back and invited me over. I get there to find out everyone had gotten together and gone to see the movie, that's why they hadn't been home. Needless to say I lost it. Why hadn't they called me? They knew I wanted to see the movie. Every single one of them had forgotten about me.

*gah* It still pisses me off.

5:16 PM  

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