Wednesday, June 28, 2006

now i wouldn't presume to tell a woman what a woman outta think but tell her if she's gotta think think pink

I fond the greatest store ever, it sells baby clothes that are, like, infant AC/DC and Ramones t-shirts, and I bought this there to use as a knitting bag.

It's looked great all week with my black suits doing this audit.

Monday, June 26, 2006

everything's up to date in kansas city they gone about as far as they can go

Sunday, June 25, 2006

im gonna pack me clothes leave at the break of dawn i'm gonna pack my clothes everybody will be sleeping nobody will know where i've gone

I once saw a pin that explains my current sentiments exactly:
Dear Aunt Em: Hate you, hate Kansas. Took the Dog. Dorothy
I can only adequately explain this through transcription of my conversations tonight.

Hotel: Thank you for calling Bad Section of Town Hotel. How can I direct your call?
Me: Hello, I need some assistance getting back to the hotel from the Plaza.
Hotel: Okay, did you get directions to go there from the front desk?
Me: Yes, and they were very clear and concise.
Hotel: Okay, well, just backtrack.
Me: Well, see, that's the problem. I came up Broadway and turned right onto 47th.
Hotel: So just turn left onto Broadway from 47th.
Me: There's no left turn there.
Hotel: And then take Broadway to I-35.
Me: But there's no left turn onto Broadway from 47th, so I was forced to turn onto Main Street.
Hotel: Well, you should have turned left onto Broadway.
Me: I couldn't. So I'm on Main Street.
Hotel: What direction are you going in?
Me: I don't know. There are skyscrapers in front of me.
Hotel: No, the skyscrapers have to be behind you.
Me: Uh, no they aren't.
Hotel: Are you near Pershing?
Me: Yes, I'm at Pershing.
Hotel: Take a right and then drive.
Me: Wait, take a right onto Pershing?
Hotel: No, take a right from Pershing onto Main.
Me: I'm on Main.
Hotel: Let me transfer you to the Kansas City Police Chief.
Me (terrified that I somehow broke the law in Kansas even though I know I'm still in Missouri): Uh, okay.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Uh, Main and Persing?
Chief: Keep going on Main until you get to 12th. Turn left on 12th and right on Broadway. Get on I-70 East and get out of Kansas City, Missouri, and you'll see the sign for Kansas City, Kansas, and get off on the Minnesota Avenue exit.
Me: Thanks.

Ten minutes later:

Hotel: How can I direct your call?
Me: I called earlier and got directions, but I'm sure they weren't correct.
Hotel: Let me transfer you back to the police chief.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Well, I couldn't go to 12th and Main because Main was closed after 16th, the road was torn up, and it forced me onto I-70 East. So I went on I-70 East for ten minutes but now I'm in the parking lot of the stadium where the Chiefs play, so I'm sure I'm not in the right place.
Chief: You need to get on I-70 West. Do not get off of I-70 West. Get off on Minnesota Avenue. Stay on I-70 West.
Me: Thanks.

Fifteen minutes later:

Hotel: How can we direct your call?
Me: I am the directions person.
Hotel: I'll get the chief.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Well, I'm somewhere in farm fields.
Chief: You overshot it. Go back on I-70 East.
Me: There was no Minnesota Avenue exit, though.
Chief: Of course not, it's called 5th Street from that direction.
Me: Thanks for all of your assistance.

Five minutes later:

Pam, the new owner of Kenny G's Pizza and Pub on Park, who hasn't yet gotten the sign changed to say Pam's Pizza and Pub on Park: Okay, go one block up to 18th Street, take a left, take a right two blocks up onto Minnesota. You'll know it's Minnesota when you see the big Christ Church of the Jesus Hour. Take a right and go down Minnesota. You know you're close because the block before your hotel has the Church of Hope, two stripclubs, and a police station.

And five minutes later, after passing all of the aforementioned landmarks, I pulled into the hotel parking lot.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

it's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes

No A/C. 95 degrees outside. 7th floor apartment. Windows facing full east and north.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

people say beware but i don't care the words are just rules and regulations to me

You know that instant you take off your bra and you just itch and scratch and scratch and itch? I just itched myself to bleeding. Eww. And how do I wear a bra tomorrow?

I was all about the awesome angst last weekend and watched the fantastic made for TV movie Dying to Dance and I started collecting teen sites and I found this one for 14 and 15 year olds called Mouthing Off on Oral Sex. I'm not sure how I feel about this site. I think I approve.

I cut some awesome t-shirts tonight and have no pictures to show for it but somebody else will someday. It's rather liberating to cut t-shirts. And strip in front of Libby's husband.

Monday, June 19, 2006

all i can say is that my life is pretty plain i like watchin' the puddles gather rain

And so Ellie picked me up from work and we hung out and ate Thai and drove to the 'burbs to go to the SUPER JoAnn's so we could get swag for tomorrow night's Knit, Purl, Hurl: Crafty Tee Edition and upon walking in, we saw a sight too scary to behold:
Yep, Fun Fur for only $3.99 a ball! And it self-stripes! But we meandered and bought cotton dishcloth yarn because you know, I wanna be just like Rabbitch even though I don't have that school-nurse's-office-green cotton. And scissors for t-shirt craftiness and stick pins and ribbon that has polka-dots all over it and then we got kicked out because they closed so we went to Target Greatland ("It's GRRRRRRRRRRREAT!") which was only open for another hour and we got kicked out of there too. Dude, what's up with the stores in Columbia MD? At least in Atlanta they're open until 11. And Ellie's so sweet and she put up with me chattering non-stop about the blue meanies that are my in-laws for like 30 minutes straight.

Oh yeah and we had gotten soaked beforehand and were stuck in heavy rain the whole drive up. Hence, today's post title.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

i lit out from reno i was trailed by twenty hounds didn't get to sleep last night til the morning came around

Another earworm for you, Melissa.

So. After the fiasco where the records managers lost my exams to become certified in records management, they got them finally and graded them and I seem to have passed all five of the exams.

And I ask you:

How the fuck did that happen? I studied for, uh, five hours?

I'm not out of the woods yet. I have to take the essay portion in November. I really ought to think about studying.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

he drinks his life away one photograph in broken glass it should not end this way

July 10, 1936 - June 13, 2004

I miss you, Dad.

Monday, June 12, 2006

sittin' and starin' out of the hotel window got a tip they're gonna kick in the door again i'd like to get some sleep before i travel

I'd like to say, this being my first time in Montgomery and my second third time in Alabama in my life (once for a quartet weekend in Tuscaloosa, and once to drive through to Panama City Beach, although I guess that technically counts as twice since I had to drive back through Alabama from Florida to Georgia), that I believe Montgomery is the truck stop of the armpit of Alabama. Also, the plane here, for I had to take a plane which took longer than driving would have and the flight was shorter in the air than it was on the runway, let's just say there were loose screws rolling around the floor, no joke, there seriously were.

And my crochet hook broke and the yarn store here was closed.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

to hell with poverty we'll get drunk on cheap wine

I am so not driunk it's not fnny. ane th prepster is coming along but i pulled a nuscle crocheting too much so i had to stop for a couple of days.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

bright and early for the daily races going nowhere going nowhere

So yeah, it's the return of the drunk blogger. I've been drunk many times and blogged, but I didn't tell all y'all I was drunkened. So add to the times I told you by at least 100%. So my flight to the A-T-L was cancelled, it was the 8:00 flight and the 9:00 was cancelled alredy so whammo, no fly home today, but i got on a flight tomorrow, but it's at 11 am, which means I miss my quartet;s performance tomorrow afternoon, and it's The Man Who Lives in the House's birthday weekend and we lose half a day but I took Monday off. So I left the airport ojh and my flight is gonna be first class at least so I left the airport and I went work. Yeah I'm lame, And I worked until midnight and I unpacked my home office boxes. But I'm gonna sleep now.