Wednesday, May 31, 2006

here i am baby come and take me take me by the hand

My green-blue socks are going to have to be my Project Spectrum entry for June, because I'm nowhere close to being done. And I hate blue anyway, so I won't be finding anything bluer than what I've started to be blue. So here is the only thing that I "created" that was green during May:
Yes, a banana pepper grew in my garden. We plucked it last weekend.

Last night at Knit, Purl, Hurl, we saw Jess begin a cross stitch project from Subversive Cross Stitch because of a recent accident that is preventing her from knitting:
And I proved the existence of the book Pretty in Pink by bringing along my copy.
Now someone figure out why I chose today's lyrics.

Monday, May 29, 2006

when i get mad and i get pissed i grab my pen and i write out a list of all the people that won't be missed

People on my shitlist today:

1. The bitch who sat in front of me on the flight back to DC today who felt the need to flip her skanky, product filled, unwashed hair over the seat back and into my fucking Coke that I really fucking needed. Bitch also refused to turn off her cell phone.

2. The Vietnamese guy I was stuck next to on the flight, who smelled of sour onions mixed with ash trays and sweat. Dude, learn the meaning of the word "deodorant."

3. The people who make "Honey, We're Killing the Kids" for the bullshit "truth" about what the kids will look like at 40 years old using "state of the art technology." The over-dramatic music is one thing, but they're pimply and balding in the old lifestyle and fully hair-headed in the other, and they have smooth skin and wear Armani suits as opposed to bad dye jobs and spandex. Why do they lose their male-pattern baldness by eating better?

4. The people at Pentagon City who went to the top of the escalator and fucking STOPPED dead in their tracks at the top without moving the goddamned fuck out of the way to let people behind them you know, get off the escalator and ignored the increasingly irritated "Excuse me!" comments from behind them.

5. Myself, for forgetting to get off the Metro at Penagon City, necessitating my getting off at Arlington Cemetery in the middle of Memorial Day with Air Force One flying overhead and running to the other side of the station to wait for 15 minutes in 92 degrees for the train back to Pentagon City.

6. Myself, for forgetting to wear underwear today and then asking for a leg wax.

7. Cole Haan, for making shoes that turn my feet black when I wear them and ruining my new pedicure.

8. Motorola, for not making a dark pink bluetooth headset to match my dark pink RAZR. Yeah, I know I need to stop whining.

Remember to let me or Jen know if you want in on the Awesome Angst Along.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

sleep with one eye open gripping your pillow tight

So, I was already planning a cheesy 80s-esque teen book club when Jen suggested we start one...and so, we are announcing the Awesome Angst Along. (I say "we" as in Jen and me, we're co-hosting, although most of these ideas came from Jen, so she's the backbone of this deal, I'm just the queen bitch. She even came up with the name. It's deep and meaningful, but with HOPE.) So. Here's the deal:
  1. Books should cost no more than $1.50. If you choose to spend more on said books, that's up to you, but we're looking at books that are readily available on places like Amazon or used bookstores for less than a dollar.
  2. We'll start with a list of 4 or 5 books. You can read all or one or as many as you want. We want suggestions for other books. This is interactive.
  3. Feel free to share books amongst yourselves. People shouldn't get hosed or clusterfucked or anything, but if you're done with that book and want to send it to someone else, please do.
Who's in?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

the one who insists he was first in the line is the last to remember her name

There's nothing so wonderful as young adult literature.

I'm not talking the literary crap. I'm talking about those books we read in 8th grade, like Thirteen is Too Young to Die (lupus) and Mirrors Never Lie (anorexia). Will I Ever Dance Again? (republished just this year as Last Dance by Lurlene McDaniel, who also wrote Why Did She Have to Die? and Mother, Please Don't Die and She Died Too Young (One Last Wish)) was not only a literary classic, but also taught us all about ballet and juvenile diabetes.

I was thinking about this today, and how I still haven't read the third book in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series (ahem Trixie ahem), and I went into the used book store on 18th and got what looks to be a winner, the 4th book in the Daughters of the Moon series. No, I've never heard of it either.

And so I went to Knit, Purl, Hurl with a buncha fucking NAYSAYERS tonight. Naysayers who did not believe me when I said that in the book version of the movie "Pretty in Pink" (this was the book BASED ON the movie BASED ON the song, it's not backwards at all), Andie ends up with Ducky. Turns out, the book was based on the script before shooting, and John Hughes changed the ending at the last minute.

In any case, I've been asked to prove that the book exists. Here you go: on Amazon for a whopping 80 cents (I'm buying it and making all y'all read it) and here, up for bid on eBay, complete with an actual picture of the cover. To quote some reviewer on Amazon:
This book is very interesting to mw because the girl is very different. She does not seem to care what people think of her. I liked the fact that she met Blane but I don't like how his friends pressured him. If they were his friends they did not have to accept his girlfriend becaue she was not their girlfriend.
Finer words have never been written.

Monday, May 22, 2006

i got a bowling ball in my stomach i got a desert in my mouth figures that my courage would choose to sell out now

Dear Spanx:

I dearly love your products, particularly the power panties. I never have panty lines and I always look smooth and thinner underneath my suits. In fact, I don't think there's been a single day in the past 18 months when I haven't been telecommuting when I haven't worn your products. I do have one request, however. Do you think you could make the power panties for those of us who are bleeding like there's no tomorrow?

There I was, earlier tonight, sitting at my boss' desk, thinking that hey, since I was barely bleeding that my super plus tampon would do the trick for, oh, say, an hour.

Not so.

Suddenly I felt that gooey, warm and clammy gush, and I knew I was too late to save my Spanx and my brand-new pants. My only saving grace was that my pants were black, and my only hope was that I got up (awkwardly in mid-sentence and without explanation) and ran out the door before I got anything on his (covered in light-colored fabric) chair. I'm not quite sure I succeeded but I haven't had a chance to examine the chair, and I did make a mess all over myself.

How do I usually stop this from occurring, you ask? I refer you to last month's letter to Stayfree for an answer. However, with your products, I cannot wear any kind of pad or adult diaper or cloth-covered diaper or even a handtowel (excellent suggestions, by the way, if only I didn't bleed to much and my crotch normally looked like it was down to my knees, I'd be all over them). Plus, if you even attempt to put a something with "wings" on it in your power panties, you end up with one wing glued to the pubes, the back half twisted and folded up, the front half sideways, and an inability to ever be comfortable while you KNOW that you're going to bleed all over everything so what did all of that adjusting and careful planning come to anyway but for naught?

I'd like to suggest some kind of insert, or perhaps a special pair of power panties "for those days" - perhaps they could even feel more like the granny panties we all like to wear during "those days" while still holding in the bloat that's now added an additional ten pounds onto each of us.

I anxiously await your response, as I sit here in my granny panties, handtowel safety-pinned into place for the coming evening.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

i came across a place in the middle of nowhere with a big black horse and a cherry tree

Congrats to those who won my prizes in Amie's sock count! I am giving prizes for those who made sock numbers 1,763, 1,999, 2,001 (really 2,002 in this case) and 2,006. Your yarn will go out this weekend.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

i've been down for so long that the end must be drawing near

My head is still mostly below water, but here's my Prepster back.
And if you do a Google search on Prepster jacket, I come up near the top. Or at the top. Why?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

i won't close my eyes i can't close my eyes i never close my eyes see they're always there with that funny hair

Great, now I have the image of clowns eating me burned in my retinas.

Let's see, Monday...worked 14 hours. Ate. Drank. Staggered home at about 1 AM (Tuesday morning).

Tuesday morning...woke up at 5:30 AM. Went to work. Sat in a conference all day. Learned nothing. Ate bad conference food. Went to dinner. Drank wine. Stumbled home. Went to sleep at 8 PM. Woke up at 10 PM. Must wake up at 5 AM to go to work tomorrow (today, I mean, Wednesday). Can't sleep. Gonna be dead for the conference tomorrow.

I have to miss Alissa's going away on Thursday because of work.

I hope to come up for air again, sometime.

Oh and Amie's count reached 1,763 socks, which means that Kelly wins a prize from me!

Monday, May 08, 2006

we are tired of the tune you must not relent

I've been working on my Prepster jacket and on some Project Spectrum green socks for a friend, but I've been working almost non-stop and hey! Lookie! I'm still at work! And it's after 10 PM! And I got in at 8 AM! And I worked yesterday! And I'll work at least twelve hours a day for the next few days!

Has anyone figured out that I'm a bit of a crazy workoholic?

Friday, May 05, 2006

everytime you make a move somebody kicks you in the eye

Stayed up all night cramming, slept for two hours, went to Stitch DC, rode the bus home with Alissa, got lost, found myself, ate empanadas, chatting ewith Melissa...


Thursday, May 04, 2006

when the world is running down you make the best of what's still around

So yo check it out, now Alissa has a blog.

I took part 1 & 2 of my exam(s) and I was gonna fail but I cramned beforehand and I might have passed by the skin of my teeth but I sure could have used Rabbitch taking part 1 in my stead because who the fuck knows or cares about organizational behaior and management theory and how does it evern relate to records management? (Answer: It doesn't. At all.)

And I might have crammed enough for part 2 and I took the bus to Stitch DC and hung with Jess to decompress and we went to pharmacy and umm. Gonna cram for a little bit now. Thanks for the good vibes. It'll be over tomorrow at 2:45 PM.

remember to kick it over no one will guide you through armagideon time

...And by the time you read this, it'll be too late for me to have, you know, studied. Being so incredibly stressed out at the end of the day that I was crying leads one's friends to suggest going for dinner and a few beers to help alleviate the stress. It worked, and I am mellow and tired and relaxed.

And at 1 PM today, my exam proctor told me she won't be coming into work tomorrow, and that I'd have to find someone else to proctor. So I think I had slightly more reason for stress than the average bear.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

so alone i keep the wolves at bay and there's only one thing i can say you didn't stand by me

so i think i am not drunka dn i got home and stripped mclothes from the entrance of my apt before i even remembered my roommate wasn't here this week and i had trounle taking them off, like my feet gpt all tangled in my pants. huh does that ,eazn im drunk? so i went to knit, purl, hurl night tonight at parmacy and it kicked ass. and i got gauge FINALLY for the prepster jackert with an i hook, it called for like an e-f hook. but now i'll never get that gauge again because i was drunk. ish. esdsque.

i'bve been working my ass off and not studying and umm. i so gonna fail this exam and i suck ass. and here are socks i finished last saturday when i wasnt working:
and here are some pics from the bar of karida and libby and alissa and ellie and jess
and then i guess i took these pics and i might be naked in one of them
ok so nite.

Monday, May 01, 2006

they're forming in a straight line they're going through a tight wind the kids are losing their minds

The interwebs was down yesterday and this morning.

I think I'm sporta drunk.

I'm a tight hooker and I need to get Karida to loan me a hook. The Prepster jacket is so ultra off fucking gauge it's not funny.

I have enough time to to study for the exma but I'm tired.

I'm a slackass.