Friday, June 29, 2007

i used to be an a student i never used to complain i used to be a truant but i'm still the same

So I was at work the other day and after all of the bullshit I've been going through, the last thing I need is, well, more. And a coworker said something that came across as deliberately mean to me. She thought she was being all holier than thou, you know? All I did was try to reach out to someone I had drifted away from and see if she wanted to walk, literally, 100 feet to grab some food and walk back with me, and a few hours later, she said she couldn't see how she could do it, because she couldn't be friendly enough with me to spend time with me to walk 100 feet with me to grab food.

Apparently my presence is so incredibly fucking repulsive that to exchange pleasantries and small talk would be horrific. She couldn't even lie, and say, oh, I don't know, "I'm sorry, I forgot I have to make a phone call, maybe some other time," or something equally as insincere. No, she had to say that she couldn't go in as meanly a way as possible, to the not-quite-healed woman going through what I amwhose friends are choosing sides and who has already had her so-called "best friend" decide that she couldn't be friends with her anymore (and yes, the co-worker knew most of the details, and it all sucks and blows goats with the stink of a million burning arrows searing into my eyeballs).

Where's the fucking compassion for the fellow human being?

So I left work early and I stayed home sick the next day and went in today and she KNEW, she fucking knew I had left because of her, fuck, I hate that she knew that her words affected me at all, that pisses me off.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

it's a long lost cause i can never win for the civilized world accepts as unforgiveable sin any talking out loud with any librarian

So this week is the American Library Association's Annual Conference in DC and the only thing that comes to mind when I see the frumpy band of freaks parading around the streets is that I would never be a member of a club that would have me as a member (to paraphrase Groucho Marx).

Where the fuck do these people come from?

I work goddamned hard to break the stereotype of the librarian. Meanwhile, I am a damn good librarian. But it seems like everyone attending this conference is dressed like a, well, a. Sheesh. I hate to say it.

Like a librarian.

Do they all have to wear ankle length skirts? Sensible orthopaedic shoes? No makeup? Has any of them ever heard of moisturizer? A loofah? Hair color?

What happened to the Lipstick Librarian or all of the modified librarians?


Tuesday, June 26, 2007

all the times when we were close i'll remember these things the most


Does it get any easier?

Will I ever stop crying?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

and the message coming from my eyes says leave it alone

Umm. Don't know how else to put it but that my life has kind of imploded. Some of you know what's going on. I'd appreciate it if you didn't discuss it in the comments or anything.

It's kind of like when I found out my father was going to die and I had a few months to prepare and then he died and I still wasn't prepared for him to be gone.

So if I'm not around too much, I'm kind of hiding out, licking my wounds, feeling like a loser failure. I don't know when I've ever felt so low in my life. I'll be around sometimes. Just. I don't know how often.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

i dreamed about ray charles last night he took me flying in the air

I miss my father it's sad he'zs been dead for three years so haws ray charles I drank a blue drink it was neon blue and had fruit like an orannge and a cherry with a plastic pink sword in it.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

i'm just trying to do my jigsaw puzzle before it rains anymore

Don't know how many Car Talk listeners there are out there (you can listen to the podcast, like I do, although it isn't my favorite, as some of you who read the comments of JenLa might know, and they're gonna ban me from commenting, I swear), but anyhoo, this week's puzzler is a knitting-related one.

You can read it here. Maybe even win.

Monday, June 11, 2007

let the sun never blind your eyes let me sleep so my teeth won't grind

Umm. I haven't slept yet. It's 9:30 AM. I'm tired.

Yesterday I went to Knitch and saw Melissa and Jen and Fatimah and Evil Science Chick and Claudia. AND others whom I kinda met. But I was also a total ditz whose life is sorta falling apart and I had to take a phone call which lasted for *choke* over an hour for which I wholly apologize.

And did I mention I got the blood of an anorexic? So afterwards Melissa took me to Belly for my daily food intake, which was a half sandwich and half of a red velvet cupcake. I lugged the other half sandwich back to DC and I'll eat it today. Maybe even right now.

And then I IMed Rabbitch until the wee hours of the morning.

Did I mention I've lost 20 pounds this month in my anorexic state?