im gonna pack me clothes leave at the break of dawn i'm gonna pack my clothes everybody will be sleeping nobody will know where i've gone
I once saw a pin that explains my current sentiments exactly:
Hotel: Thank you for calling Bad Section of Town Hotel. How can I direct your call?
Me: Hello, I need some assistance getting back to the hotel from the Plaza.
Hotel: Okay, did you get directions to go there from the front desk?
Me: Yes, and they were very clear and concise.
Hotel: Okay, well, just backtrack.
Me: Well, see, that's the problem. I came up Broadway and turned right onto 47th.
Hotel: So just turn left onto Broadway from 47th.
Me: There's no left turn there.
Hotel: And then take Broadway to I-35.
Me: But there's no left turn onto Broadway from 47th, so I was forced to turn onto Main Street.
Hotel: Well, you should have turned left onto Broadway.
Me: I couldn't. So I'm on Main Street.
Hotel: What direction are you going in?
Me: I don't know. There are skyscrapers in front of me.
Hotel: No, the skyscrapers have to be behind you.
Me: Uh, no they aren't.
Hotel: Are you near Pershing?
Me: Yes, I'm at Pershing.
Hotel: Take a right and then drive.
Me: Wait, take a right onto Pershing?
Hotel: No, take a right from Pershing onto Main.
Me: I'm on Main.
Hotel: Let me transfer you to the Kansas City Police Chief.
Me (terrified that I somehow broke the law in Kansas even though I know I'm still in Missouri): Uh, okay.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Uh, Main and Persing?
Chief: Keep going on Main until you get to 12th. Turn left on 12th and right on Broadway. Get on I-70 East and get out of Kansas City, Missouri, and you'll see the sign for Kansas City, Kansas, and get off on the Minnesota Avenue exit.
Me: Thanks.
Ten minutes later:
Hotel: How can I direct your call?
Me: I called earlier and got directions, but I'm sure they weren't correct.
Hotel: Let me transfer you back to the police chief.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Well, I couldn't go to 12th and Main because Main was closed after 16th, the road was torn up, and it forced me onto I-70 East. So I went on I-70 East for ten minutes but now I'm in the parking lot of the stadium where the Chiefs play, so I'm sure I'm not in the right place.
Chief: You need to get on I-70 West. Do not get off of I-70 West. Get off on Minnesota Avenue. Stay on I-70 West.
Me: Thanks.
Fifteen minutes later:
Hotel: How can we direct your call?
Me: I am the directions person.
Hotel: I'll get the chief.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Well, I'm somewhere in farm fields.
Chief: You overshot it. Go back on I-70 East.
Me: There was no Minnesota Avenue exit, though.
Chief: Of course not, it's called 5th Street from that direction.
Me: Thanks for all of your assistance.
Five minutes later:
Pam, the new owner of Kenny G's Pizza and Pub on Park, who hasn't yet gotten the sign changed to say Pam's Pizza and Pub on Park: Okay, go one block up to 18th Street, take a left, take a right two blocks up onto Minnesota. You'll know it's Minnesota when you see the big Christ Church of the Jesus Hour. Take a right and go down Minnesota. You know you're close because the block before your hotel has the Church of Hope, two stripclubs, and a police station.
And five minutes later, after passing all of the aforementioned landmarks, I pulled into the hotel parking lot.
Dear Aunt Em: Hate you, hate Kansas. Took the Dog. DorothyI can only adequately explain this through transcription of my conversations tonight.
Hotel: Thank you for calling Bad Section of Town Hotel. How can I direct your call?
Me: Hello, I need some assistance getting back to the hotel from the Plaza.
Hotel: Okay, did you get directions to go there from the front desk?
Me: Yes, and they were very clear and concise.
Hotel: Okay, well, just backtrack.
Me: Well, see, that's the problem. I came up Broadway and turned right onto 47th.
Hotel: So just turn left onto Broadway from 47th.
Me: There's no left turn there.
Hotel: And then take Broadway to I-35.
Me: But there's no left turn onto Broadway from 47th, so I was forced to turn onto Main Street.
Hotel: Well, you should have turned left onto Broadway.
Me: I couldn't. So I'm on Main Street.
Hotel: What direction are you going in?
Me: I don't know. There are skyscrapers in front of me.
Hotel: No, the skyscrapers have to be behind you.
Me: Uh, no they aren't.
Hotel: Are you near Pershing?
Me: Yes, I'm at Pershing.
Hotel: Take a right and then drive.
Me: Wait, take a right onto Pershing?
Hotel: No, take a right from Pershing onto Main.
Me: I'm on Main.
Hotel: Let me transfer you to the Kansas City Police Chief.
Me (terrified that I somehow broke the law in Kansas even though I know I'm still in Missouri): Uh, okay.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Uh, Main and Persing?
Chief: Keep going on Main until you get to 12th. Turn left on 12th and right on Broadway. Get on I-70 East and get out of Kansas City, Missouri, and you'll see the sign for Kansas City, Kansas, and get off on the Minnesota Avenue exit.
Me: Thanks.
Ten minutes later:
Hotel: How can I direct your call?
Me: I called earlier and got directions, but I'm sure they weren't correct.
Hotel: Let me transfer you back to the police chief.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Well, I couldn't go to 12th and Main because Main was closed after 16th, the road was torn up, and it forced me onto I-70 East. So I went on I-70 East for ten minutes but now I'm in the parking lot of the stadium where the Chiefs play, so I'm sure I'm not in the right place.
Chief: You need to get on I-70 West. Do not get off of I-70 West. Get off on Minnesota Avenue. Stay on I-70 West.
Me: Thanks.
Fifteen minutes later:
Hotel: How can we direct your call?
Me: I am the directions person.
Hotel: I'll get the chief.
Chief: Where you at?
Me: Well, I'm somewhere in farm fields.
Chief: You overshot it. Go back on I-70 East.
Me: There was no Minnesota Avenue exit, though.
Chief: Of course not, it's called 5th Street from that direction.
Me: Thanks for all of your assistance.
Five minutes later:
Pam, the new owner of Kenny G's Pizza and Pub on Park, who hasn't yet gotten the sign changed to say Pam's Pizza and Pub on Park: Okay, go one block up to 18th Street, take a left, take a right two blocks up onto Minnesota. You'll know it's Minnesota when you see the big Christ Church of the Jesus Hour. Take a right and go down Minnesota. You know you're close because the block before your hotel has the Church of Hope, two stripclubs, and a police station.
And five minutes later, after passing all of the aforementioned landmarks, I pulled into the hotel parking lot.
posted by itgirl at 8:27 PM
7 Comments:
I truly believe that women are much better at directions when given landmarks...Don't give me that east and west shit..just tell me there's a this on that corner, a that on that corner and I can find it.
Is it ok that I giggled at your pain?
Ann
I giggled too. I think that makes both of us bad people.
Good god.. at least you finally got to the hotel! I've had enough trouble with people and directions this weekend myself to last a lifetime.
I heart Pam. This is how directions should be given*. I admire your tenacity... I would have been curled up in a ball sobbing by the time I hit the farmlands!
*I usually give directions like this, but hubby does NOT appreciate it.
Kansas City is IMPOSSIBLE to navigate...I can definitely sympathize.
*hehe*
my ex mother in law used to live in overland park, which is southwestern KC metro area, and it's a fucking bitch trying to navigate that city. at least tehy don't try to run you off the road.
sounds like your police chief was an effing idiot
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