Thursday, July 12, 2007

sometime i wonder what i'm gonna do there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

I'm not sure this is the right time to do this. Or that there's any time to do this. I'm going to write this not to make people to feel sorry for me. I don't want that. I just want to express myself.

I used to love the summer. I used to love July. July was Potential.

These past two months have been, well, awful. But the upshot is, my health is still poor, I'm frustrated and bored at work, I'm moving to DC permanently, I'm moving within DC to a new place in two weeks and I haven't even begun to think about packing, also I have no furniture, I've lost my knitting and crochet mojo, so while I really really want to knit and crochet, I just sit and stare and yarn and don't pick it up, I seem to have lost most, if not all, of my friends in Georgia, and I don't know why, and, my brother has taken to calling me and screaming at me about what an evil, horrible, fat, ugly, alcoholic I am. Oh, and yeah.

I'm getting a divorce.

Birthday? What birthday?

ETA:
By the way, the "mannequin" pictured the other day? Some of you commented that at least she has a head? That's all she is, a head. There's no body there. Gives you a whole new perspective, doesn't it?

16 Comments:

Blogger meg said...

dude, for different reasons I so relate. at least you're still blogging. i have lost my knitting and blogging mojo, entirely. i'm not feeling sorry for you just think it will get better once you get resituated and start with a fresh perspective and all that.

however, birthday. don't even let shit like that slide. i don't care how shitty life is, it's my excuse to be belligerent, self-indulgent, excessive, and all that - without the guilt. do it to it! you'll regret not whooping it up - even if it's already passed. you.must.celebrate.

6:05 PM  
Blogger Janice in GA said...

Hey, at least you're not sitting around asking tons of stupid questions like some of the morons on some of the email lists I'm on!

You need some retail therapy, I bet. Go out and buy some Ikea furniture or something. If I was anywhere close, I'd help you put it together. I'm still pretty good with tools.

Splurge on something you've wanted but have been telling yourself you don't deserve. Decide you deserve it. Cuz you do.

6:36 PM  
Blogger dragon knitter said...

i thought that was what was going on. send me your addy. i'll send chocolate. seriously

10:03 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

It will be ok. Your brother is probably worried about you but he is wrong to talk like that.

You deserve to be happy, you deserve to have a good life, this is just a bump in the road, so try not to self-destruct!

I'm totally buying you a copy of Crazy Aunt Purl's book when it comes out! :P

Oh, and July still is Potential - look at all the changes you are making, surely they have the potential to lead you in new, exciting and good directions?

Having no furniture is probably a good thing, there's less stuff to move!

Take care of yourself, and do one thing that makes you feel special today.

2:40 AM  
Blogger jenifleur said...

What makes you think you lost any friends in GA?

I've been there and it isn't fun. But it's also temporary. This too shall pass. Promise!

7:56 AM  
Anonymous Keiana said...

Hey girl. You haven't lost all your friends here in Georgia. Tracy and I miss you and we will always be your friend. :-)

Hey celebrate your birthday! Things may not be as great as you would like it, but at least you are alive and still able to terrorize all those that piss you off. :-)

Love ya,
Keiana

10:20 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Hi - I usually lurk, but I always read and just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

I also had an unbelievably shitty year two years ago. It was so awful - so many huge things piling up one on top of the other - that I honestly thought it would never get better. Strangely, all those horrible things led me in completely unexpected places and I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life now, as a direct result of the bad shit. So, July and all of the other months still hold plenty of potential for you.

Definitely celebrate your birthday big-time! In fact, claim the whole damn month! And revel in the fact that complete knitting strangers are feeling for you and ready to send chocolate when necessary. Good luck and happy birthday!

12:19 PM  
Blogger Zardra said...

I'm with Janice in GA... go buy yourself a great birthday present!

And July can still be about Potential... this is just a change, that doesn't necessarily bad; it may just be a resetting of the direction you're heading in.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Colette said...

Sometimes you have to shed all the old shit to see the potential that lies ahead.

Celebrate your birthday - you deserve to be celebrated!

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Paula said...

In Australia the standard greeting isn't really 'G'day', it's 'How are you?', and when someone asks you how you are you are supposed to say 'Good thanks'. I hadn't been good for ages, and didn't want to say I was good when I clearly wasn't, and I didn't want to explain myself either. So I used to say 'I'm lovely'. And people used to say 'Yes, you are'. It took a long time, but now I feel lovely (on the inside anyway, the outside is well past it!)

You stay lovely, and remember the words of Billy Connolly - 'Fuck that!' - cheers me up every time I hear it!

Best

Paula

9:05 AM  
Blogger La said...

You still have your friends in CA too!

Hugs.

It's hard to believe, but it WILL get better. I TOO have been there (left my first husband on my birthday [in retrospect, it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself] to move back to CA and start all over again). It's not easy, but it can be done.

Have faith in you, we do.

1:51 AM  
Blogger BigAlice said...

What La said. And everyone else. I hope the Amazing Sucktastic Summer comes to a close soon.
Happy birthday. If I were anywhere near, I'd take you for a birthday Guinness.

A friend once went to a party of a guy who'd just moved, and he bought all of this inflatable furniture for the party. Or you could just pile pillows everywhere. I've always wanted to do that. Stupid people thinking they couches.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Restless said...

What everyone else said. Right now it sucks the big one, but things will get better. For me, it was a blessing in disguise. I started learning who I was and what I wanted when I stopped trying to keep everyone else happy. It turns out that I'm not near as awful as I was led to believe I was. Don't let anyone tell you who or what you are.

3:51 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Vacationland is calling you....

I told you my take on Big Bro. I think it is his age kicking in and he thinks he has to be there in some way. Though he is not really going about it in the right way.

We love you.

Don't forget to drop us your new address.

7:50 AM  
Anonymous your mother said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR DOUCHE BAG
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

so how does it feel to be the big 4 0 ?

11:17 AM  
Anonymous grace said...

I've been there too. The divorce thing sucks ass, but then you start to realize how much better you have it. It takes awhile, but it really does happen.

As for the lack of crafty mojo, I understand that too. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, but I figure I'll keep on keeping on until the spark comes back.

And you have a friend in AL!!

Also, Saturn is fucking it up for everybody so just do what I do and blame it on Saturn.

3:32 PM  

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