Monday, March 21, 2005

and the winner is....

me! Yes, I am one of four winners in Noreen's essay contest. I'll let her post my essay if she wants to. 'Twas a true work story that happened last week.

For the title, the first correct response of the movie "Heathers" came from Heide, who will get a much deserved prize of undetermined nature when I get off my lazy fucking ass and send her one. She needs one because she has to share her vagina with her husband. But hockey mom, we're glad you're among friends here, too.

And speaking of pussies, I somehow got roped into this interview thing. Feel free to ask to be interviewed, I'd be happy to play along. Since I'm usually the last one to play, I doubt anyone hasn't done this yet, though. The rules, as copied straight from Herself, are as follows:

1. Leave me a comment saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions here. They will be different questions than the ones below.
3. You will update YOUR blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

There's something about reciprocal questions, too, that the wise and crafty (in more ways than one) Stacey caught so I guess if I interview you, you get to interview me? Someone clear that up for me, please. Whatever. I'm a joiner. Baa.

Without further ado, my answers to the questions posed of me from Rabbitch:

1. If you were a vegetable, what one would you be and why?

My friend Trixie suggests a radish, because it's red and purpley and round and overlooked. It has potential because you can carve it into genitaliatic (my own made up word) carvings a la Georgia O'Keefe's floral paintings and call it a garnish. There's also the yucca, which makes excellent fries by Nicaraguan butlers in Costa Rica. Seriously. But I'm inclined to go with homemade macaroni and cheese. You see, ever since I moved from the northeastern United States to the weird, subversive geographical element we call the southeastern United States, I've had to rethink the entire concept of "vegetable." Down in the South, the term "vegetable" does not merely mean that which any normal human being might think of as a vegetable, i.e. a carrot, broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, radish, parsnip, turnip, or the like. Vegetables are a religion in the South. People go out to lunch for the "vegetables plate." This may consist of the following four "vegetables":

1. mashed potatoes and gravy
2. tater tots
3. macaroni and cheese
4. dressing (as in stuffing, as in Stove Top)

This plate will, of course, come with a roll and butter.

Of course, Southerners don't understand why they can't lose weight when they switch to an all veggie diet.

2. What is your favourite yarn?

COULD YOU LEARN HOW TO SPELL THE FUCKING WORD CORRECTLY? It's favorite.

I can tell you what it's not.

It is not green cotton from Rabbitch's stash.

I really like Cherry Tree Hill Supersock Merino (in fact, I find it in some ways superior to Koigu), and I love almost all of the Cherry Tree Hill colorways (note that the spelling is colorways, not colourways). I am fond of Blue Sky Bulky Alpaca, of Douceur et Soie, and Lobster Pot Cashmere. And, lest everyone think I am a giant yarn snob, I also have made many nice projects with Woolease Thick and Quick, and my stepfather Rambo came back from camping this weekend and told me that he continues to wear only the gray Thick and Quick scarf I made him three years ago, because it's warm, it's washable, and it breathes.

And, for something completely different, I like to crochet afghans with Homespun.

3. How much porn do you really download from the internet?

Oh, I am woman enough to walk into any store and buy it in person. Now, if you had asked how much porn of me was downloaded from the internet...

4. What is the most regrettable yarn purchase you have ever made and how did you get rid of it?

This icky brown Katia Himalaya crap. It's still in my stash. Keep an eye out in your mailboxes, people. It actually isn't icky, but I will never make what I wanted to make with it (a sweater for my brother).

5. What is the most extravagant/decadent yarn purchase you have ever made?

I forced Trixie to buy the pepto-pink Lobster Pot cashmere for the scarf I am currently making her. I am taking my time so I can fondle it often. She will get the scarf for her birthday. In July. When she needs it most. She can use a cashmere scarf in Atlanta in July, right?

Do I get to post my questions for Rabbitch here, or elsewhere?

6 Comments:

Blogger Zardra said...

I have to say that your thoughts on Southerners and veggies had me cracking up. :) I spent my young and impressionable youth in 'Bama where grits and Jonnie cakes seem to be the only veggies around. Oh... and boiled peanuts cause we lived in the peanut capital of the world. *yuck*

12:44 AM  
Blogger Heide said...

Aw geez, you don't have to shower me with prizes! Really, you don't need to send me lots and lots and lots of gorgeous stuff, you're going to make me blush! :) Maybe just some boiled peanuts...?

7:02 AM  
Blogger Mindy said...

It's the same thing in Ohio - whenever I visit my husband's family, the only green thing I ever see is jello. Apparently, there's some law that all vegetables must be smothered in cheese sauce in order to be fit for human consumption. I can always tell when we've crossed the state border because suddenly all the asses are twice as wide.

9:07 AM  
Blogger hockey mom said...

HEY! Now, just hang on a second! I'm a Southerner. We eat green things really. Collard greens, turnip greens, fried green tomatoes.

Actually, I gave up eating southern cooking a long time ago. I didn't want to end up waddling like my extended family. Besides dh (aka "Yankee boy") wouldn't eat it. He goes for things like jello salad, pierogies, Primanti's sandwiches.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Violet said...

I think I will bug Noreen to post the essays. That should be interesting.....

Being from Cali, I would have never guessed that tater tots and mac n cheese are veggies, let alone stove top. That will make the kiddies much happier to hear that!

10:12 AM  
Blogger ShadowStitch said...

Nope, you weren't the last one to play this, I've been fighting the urge (or really the lack thereof) for a week now. So interview me dammit. Pretty please?
http://shadowstitch.blogs.com/

11:03 AM  

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