clarification.

Obviously, I am a white woman. And I was unclear in my drunken ranting post.

I have found that, for the most part, women tend to dislike me at social gatherings. Not all women, mind you. Those who do like me are cool (hence, those of you who happen to read my blog and are my friends and can see something in me that the majority of women in the world apparently cannot).

Now, I have noticed that this problem of immediate dislike has only ever come from Caucasian women. Why? I have no idea. So I tend to be off in a corner and if I find someone to talk to, it's like, the token woman of color who might also be at the gathering, and we always hit it off.

I did say in the previous post that those white women I got along with were oddballish enough to be like me. Maybe not entirely like me, but enough that they didn't look at me and judge me as lacking upon first glance.

I don't have this problem with men. I don't have this problem with women of color. I have this problem with white women. Not all white women, but really, only with white women.

The other night, the white women were the ones physically turning their backs to me.

I am more hurt by my friend, who knew how I felt going into the party, and left me anyway. I held my friend to a higher standard, because this person had prior knowledge to what my problems might be, and because I believe it was a bad thing to do.

If you bring someone to a party/event, to which you yourself invited them to, who knows nobody else there, do you immediately ditch them? No. You bring them around, make sure they're included in the conversation, and occasionally check up on them to ensure that they are not sitting alone, miserable for two hours, while your other friends are treating them like a pariah. If said friend had told you beforehand that this was a fear of theirs, you especially wouldn't do this. This is how my friend hurt me.

If you had a significant other who brought a friend who knew nobody, and you may not particularly care for this friend but you knew that this person knew nobody there, and your significant other left, would you then proceed to ignore the friend and tell everyone that it's your significant other's friend and exclude the person from every conversation? Make it clear when the friend could hear that they were not part of the "in crowd"? Make it clear that you were to be the center of every conversation and for others not to include this person, who knows nobody else there, and is noticeably not participating in conversation? This is another way my friend hurt me.

I am reminded, after an instant message conversation with someone last night, that even though my world seems to be blowing up in my face, other people's worlds are doing the same as well. My thoughts go out to you, R. I love you, and I hope you work things out, whatever way they get worked out. I'm here for you, and so is my shotgun.