Saturday, January 21, 2006

it's always better on holiday so much better on holiday that's why we only work when we need the money

Yeah. Fucking RIGHT.

Did I mention that this trip to Costa Rica was, like the last trip to Costa Rica, with my in-laws? Have you ever taken a vacation with your in-laws? Mind you, we're not talking about, say, my immediate in-laws. There were thirteen of us. The Man Who Lives in the House and I were SO ready to leave on Thursday morning. This was my first vacation in three years. They're already planning the next family vacation.

Say it loud and say it proud, along with me: "No fucking way in hell am I going on that trip."

And what was the one thing I wanted to do? Go to Nicaragua. It's a day trip. It's safe to go. Would anyone else go? No. "They kidnap Americans there." Fuck you assmelons and read the goddamned papers you rightwingRushandNewtlovingreligiousfanaticalfreaks. Clint Eastwood fought in Grenada twenty years ago.

So, I white-trashily rode ATVs, and I tried to snorkel but I swam through a school of jellyfish and got bit to hell, and so I stopped early and got sunburned, all of which I was criticized for, and I watched everyone else drink to extreme excess (and note that while I did drink, I was never even the slightest bit buzzed during the entire trip). And I knit, for which I was criticized. I tried to get along with everyone, and the harder I tried, the more I a) offended people and b) was offended by people. And never ONCE did The Man even defend me or take my side. Later on, he would criticize me more for everything I did, because his family is always fucking right.

And I made socks for someone else, and they were confiscated ("I want those!") by one relative, who decided a few days later that they were too small for her and she gave them to someone else. Meanwhile, the one for whom I made the socks is still sockless.

And the Delta counter at the airport in Liberia opened two hours after it was supposed to and I think my ankle is rebroken from standing in line all that time.

I will post some good pictures I took in the next few days. Because, you know, I'm sure you care.

And I came back to find everyone excited about the Knitting Olympics and I don't even know what that is and it's probably too late to sign up and what would I do anyway?

Had a great time, wish you were there instead of me.


Blogger FaerieLady said...

Post the pictures. I care. They can go to hell. I'd probably have beaten the relative that took the socks.

Then again, I won't go on a family vacation with anyone in my family besides the immediate members. At least we are all the same kind of crazy, and they think WE are the black sheep. Right. Label me the black sheep any fuckin' day, as long as I'm not labelled one of their sorry asses.

Sorry your trip blew chunks.


12:42 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Wow - that's all I can say - Wow. Hope the ankle's okay.

It's not too late to join the Knitting Olympics - check out the Harlot's place for info.

1:52 AM  
Blogger Rabbitch said...

Welcome back, baby. Sorry your vacation blew.

Glad someone posted bail.

Rabbitch's Angry Sock

3:30 AM  
Anonymous Pam said...

Sorry about your vacation. I would never go on vacation with my in-laws (now ex-laws), as I'm sure they would never go with me. They didn't like me, but on my behalf, they wouldn't have liked anyone who married their precious Sidney. He also took their side which is just one of the many reasons he is now the ex-hubby.

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Sorcha said...

I layed down the law before marriage with my DH that he should NEVER side with my blood relatives. But his family I adored. And we never took vacations together. Now that I think about it, I never had to seriously injury his family either. Mine? I take the Fifth (of anything buzz-inducing). Welcome back. You have been missed.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Jane said...

Oh, hope the ankle is ok. I'd love to see you picture, too. We have freakin' "family vacation" with my in-laws every year, and the bug is on for this year already - "when are we going?" Shoot. Me. Now.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Norah said...

I'm so sorry to hear your vacation sucked. I'd love to see the pictures.

11:50 AM  
Blogger Micky said...

Family does always seem to screw everything up don't they? Well you are back where you are loved and never criticized for knitting. Glad you are back.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Boo on your family trip. Yay, you're back! Just look forward to, um, not doing that again ever.

And how much room do you have at your place in DC? It's looking like fiberfestivalofdoom is on, or at least Mouse & I are saving our pennies & have warned the menfolk.

11:57 AM  
Blogger Hockey Mom said...

Welcome back baby, we all missed you. Sorry it sucked bad, but I too would love to see the good pictures.

It's not too late to join the Knitting Olympics - my personal challenge is...wait...Clapotis! Yup, I'm doing it. Maybe you should too? Hmm?

I would rather chew my arm off than go on vacation with my MIL.

I'm glad you came back without shackles. It would have sucked if you had killed any of them. So NOT worth the jail time.

12:13 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Holy shit, I'm so sorry. What a crappy vacation. Call me if you want to. :-)

3:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My stepmother on the last vacation had a couple too many glasses of wine, and got into trying to convert my step-cousin to a stronger version of Christianity than even SHE practices, and when I mentioned that she didn't even go to church, and why the hell did she get on this to him? She said "well, we all know YOU were raised wrong". Never again. I don't even associate with most of my family. They have my email address and can't figure out why I have declined every holiday offer since 1998.

Also, men from weird families marry women sometimes who are cool and well-adjusted, just so that they don't have to deal with that drama in their married life, but then they kind of expect that, since you're above that, that if the family messes with you it should just roll off your back. Because they think more highly of you than their families, and just don't want to deal with it. So, in a way, it's a compliment (a shitty one, though).

11:26 PM  
Anonymous Keiana said...

Hey, chick.

I am sorry to hear about your "family vacation". Hopefully, you and the "man that lives in the house" will get to go on a vacation with just the two of you. I am sure the Knitting Olympics will go much better. As for the stolen sock, you should have knitted with some rough and itchy wool, that would teach them.

10:16 AM  
Anonymous Imbrium said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. At least it's over. Welcome home!

12:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell the man he should side with you, at least in public. It's all about presenting a united front.

There should be a little something on its way to you right now to help you feel better though! Much more will be coming in the second parcel.

Fiber Godmother

1:23 PM  
Blogger Trixie said...

Welcome home, honey. I loved the article that you linked to on Howler Monkeys! Especially the last sentence...

Can you see me on an extended vacation with WaWa's family?

Hell NO.

These would be the same people who think reading is a sin but then dump their spouses at the first sign of terminal illness BUT coming sucking back later when they find out how much their own medicines cost without the other person's insurance coverage.

Wait..these are the same people who ...oh never mind! You know all about it.

Maybe I will see you this week if you can find the time to go out and play! I need a girls night myself.

3:42 PM  
Blogger Knitti-me said...

I'm really lucky that my in-laws live half a world away in Aussie.

And how naieve of them to think that they would be kidnapped and strip searched if they traveled into Nicaragua. Nica is one of the most stable and safe countries to travel in these days - and the people are wonderful.

6:28 PM  
Blogger jenifleur said...

I'd rather douche with tobasco and drink Tommy Lee's blood than go vacationing with my in-laws. Just say no to masochism. Next time you go somewhere for YOU.

You BETTER join the olympics. I know where you live. Roughly. Well I know the city. Just do it.

7:10 PM  
Blogger Zardra said...


I probably would have taken the socks and beaten the relative with them.

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Family resorts offer special discounts on their packages if the vacation is taken in the off season and at particular times throughout the year. Cruise ships are not all family friendly, but there are several that are; you have to check them out before your vacation.

Family Vacation

11:56 AM  

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