let the brutality continue!

My darling Lauren commented that my interview questions are brutal. I didn't think so, but I make no apologies. Hope you're ready, Mindy.

1. This question has four parts:
a. Sally Field or Sandra Dee?
b. Moondoggie or the Big Kahuna?
c. Hawaii or Rome?
d. "The New Gidget"? How did it last for two seasons?

2. So, two days ago I asked in another interview about what someone would knit for a curly-haired, red-headed librarian who likes to wear ostrich feathers to her Federal government contracting job. Last Friday, I was told that my perfume was causing another person in my workplace to get headaches. Problem is, I wear no perfume, except the occasional Burberry on a rare fancy schmancy night out, which I must say, work is most definitely not. I also wear no hairspray, so it was narrowed down to my deodorant and the small amount of hair goop (putty, paste, wax, whatever can control the mop) I use. I switched deodorant and lessened to non-existent the hair goop application. Today (with my extremely flattened hair), I was told that the person was still getting headaches from my perfume application, the perfume I still don't wear, and it was suggested that perhaps I attempt to come to work wearing none of the above one day. I don't expect you to have a solution for my lack of deodorant, but what can you do with the mop now that it will have been turned into a frizzy, floppy mess which won't even stay up with office supplies? You always have creative and fun knitting patterns and solutions to things. My hair is short, so I can't pull it up or back. Please feel free to model possible solutions (the Martian's hair will do just fine). Will Elizabeth work as a hat? Can I wrap Clapotis around my hair?

3. In contemplating the "why do only some Muppets have uvulas" question, how many episodes of "The Muppet Show" did you actually watch, and which episode is your favorite? Which Muppet is your favorite and why? Have you thought about combining the Muppets question with the HR question, so that perhaps HR could use the Muppets for the fire safety "How to Use a Fire Extinguisher" training video?

4. I am two fingers away from completion of my own fingerless mitts (aka The Sex Gloves) and I share your concerns about not making them because as soon as you do, the warm weather will come, blah blah blah. However, in my case, I feel like I'm just trying to be Madonna or some weird pedophile currently on trial for child molestation in Los Angeles when I wear them. Do you share those feelings, or do you just not care? Isn't there some rule about not wearing any fashion you can recall wearing yourself in the past? Not that I'm a big one for rules of fashion, mind you, but there are some things even I won't do (like wear white shoes). If you made the gloves, which pattern would you use, and which yarn? I need to know so I can become inspired by your ideas and actually do the fifteen minutes left of work on my own sex gloves, so as not to be stuck in k2, p2 Koigu world forever.

5. Were you actually in the IMAX theater when the AV pro showed "Tea Bagger Vance"? What movie were you supposed to see and why wasn't I with you to witness this wondrous event? How long did TBV play before it was stopped and were any clandestine dates made during or after the show that may otherwise not have been made had it not been for TBV? Please include any details of dates you "happened" to follow along after, show up in the same place during, or otherwise be near during the events of due to your close proximity to the people making the dates and the glass you held up to the door to help you listen better while they made the "dates."