Thursday, March 24, 2005

let the brutality continue!

My darling Lauren commented that my interview questions are brutal. I didn't think so, but I make no apologies. Hope you're ready, Mindy.

1. This question has four parts:
a. Sally Field or Sandra Dee?
b. Moondoggie or the Big Kahuna?
c. Hawaii or Rome?
d. "The New Gidget"? How did it last for two seasons?

2. So, two days ago I asked in another interview about what someone would knit for a curly-haired, red-headed librarian who likes to wear ostrich feathers to her Federal government contracting job. Last Friday, I was told that my perfume was causing another person in my workplace to get headaches. Problem is, I wear no perfume, except the occasional Burberry on a rare fancy schmancy night out, which I must say, work is most definitely not. I also wear no hairspray, so it was narrowed down to my deodorant and the small amount of hair goop (putty, paste, wax, whatever can control the mop) I use. I switched deodorant and lessened to non-existent the hair goop application. Today (with my extremely flattened hair), I was told that the person was still getting headaches from my perfume application, the perfume I still don't wear, and it was suggested that perhaps I attempt to come to work wearing none of the above one day. I don't expect you to have a solution for my lack of deodorant, but what can you do with the mop now that it will have been turned into a frizzy, floppy mess which won't even stay up with office supplies? You always have creative and fun knitting patterns and solutions to things. My hair is short, so I can't pull it up or back. Please feel free to model possible solutions (the Martian's hair will do just fine). Will Elizabeth work as a hat? Can I wrap Clapotis around my hair?

3. In contemplating the "why do only some Muppets have uvulas" question, how many episodes of "The Muppet Show" did you actually watch, and which episode is your favorite? Which Muppet is your favorite and why? Have you thought about combining the Muppets question with the HR question, so that perhaps HR could use the Muppets for the fire safety "How to Use a Fire Extinguisher" training video?

4. I am two fingers away from completion of my own fingerless mitts (aka The Sex Gloves) and I share your concerns about not making them because as soon as you do, the warm weather will come, blah blah blah. However, in my case, I feel like I'm just trying to be Madonna or some weird pedophile currently on trial for child molestation in Los Angeles when I wear them. Do you share those feelings, or do you just not care? Isn't there some rule about not wearing any fashion you can recall wearing yourself in the past? Not that I'm a big one for rules of fashion, mind you, but there are some things even I won't do (like wear white shoes). If you made the gloves, which pattern would you use, and which yarn? I need to know so I can become inspired by your ideas and actually do the fifteen minutes left of work on my own sex gloves, so as not to be stuck in k2, p2 Koigu world forever.

5. Were you actually in the IMAX theater when the AV pro showed "Tea Bagger Vance"? What movie were you supposed to see and why wasn't I with you to witness this wondrous event? How long did TBV play before it was stopped and were any clandestine dates made during or after the show that may otherwise not have been made had it not been for TBV? Please include any details of dates you "happened" to follow along after, show up in the same place during, or otherwise be near during the events of due to your close proximity to the people making the dates and the glass you held up to the door to help you listen better while they made the "dates."

5 Comments:

Blogger Lauren said...

That whole thing about the perfume pisses me off... they are expecting you to bend obackward just because this person "gets the vapors" when you walk in the room? ridiculous... what is the proof that it is even you who is causing it?

You know, if you have the time to kill, I would not mind answering some of the brutal questions :) no pressure :)

7:16 AM  
Blogger Colette said...

I must have issues - interview me please.

If it wouldn't bother you - I would switch to a really smelly hair goop and start wearing perfume to work.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Kathy said...

I had a similar perfume issue happen to me once...I was getting the blame for an allergy that the building was causing! I had spent plenty of time with the affected co-worker -- perfumed, deodorized, and hairsprayed -- with no problems. So there may be another issue here.

And I wouldn't mind answering some of your questions either :)

1:35 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

The problem with the "perfume sensitive" person has nothing to do with perfume and everything to do with attention getting behavior. There is no reason for you to modify your personal grooming products - if she's that sensitive, they can move her to an enclosed office away from everyone or she can work from home. I just had a close encounter of the third kind with a person of the same proclivities, only involving "food allergies." Unfortunately she is wife to DH's former client, so I had to be nice, but what a pain in the ass it is to go out to dinner with this bitch. Attention getting is what it's all about. And hey - ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Micky, a newbie_knitster said...

How about checking out this site:
knitty.com/ISSUEfall04/
PATThallowig.html
There you will find a possible solution for the hair, that I think will suit you. It could also make that winer wish they hadn't complained about the perfume! Please let me know, if you do this, how it made her squeal!

10:14 PM  

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