Friday, January 11, 2008

take it easy baby let them say what they will will your tongue wag so much when i send you the bill?

Sporadic posting, I know. I got shit goin' on. But I'll be in Atlanta on February 5th! For one day only! Just sayin'. If anyone is around and wants to see a depressed, neurotic, hyped up woman just out of divorce court and all (my first court date).

Also, I wanted to share the following: I bought jeans from The Gap today. Yes, you read that correctly. Jeans. Me. The Gap. And despite a terrible issue with customer service where my super sales helper people kept getting pulled away from me and moved to another floor in the middle of helping me, I found two pairs of jeans in two different "cuts" that fit and didn't look like complete ass that I bought.

I just want to ponder this, because do you know what this means?


If you're thin, probably not.

If you're a little big larger (such as me), you know that The Gap stopped carrying jeans in sizes larger than size 16 (thus disenfranchising a significant portion of the population and forcing us to hide at home and shop online and be more ashamed of our bodies, and have ONE MORE STORE where we have to say, "I can't even walk in there, nothing in that store fits me" but I'm not angry, no, I'm not bitter at all, just because we're limited to a tiny women's section in Macy's and Bloomingdale's, where, incidentally, everything comes in sizes with W appended, and I don't need the fucking 18W, it's too big for me, I need an 18, get that, a STRAIGHT 18, where the fuck are the 18 regulars? You think you're doing some kind of service, Ann Taylor? Jones New York? By making suits up to size 16 and then making sizes in W? What about those of us who don't merit the W? We don't exist or something? Because the Ws don't fit us correctly. The Ws are too wide on us. I'm not a W. The closest I come, when I'm an 18 regular, is a 16W. What the cock is that shit? The sleeves are a hair too short, and everything is a hair too wide, but hey! we have to make everything wider for the bigger gals, even if we're just proportionately bigger all over. Why the fuck do you have to be such douchebags?) a long time ago.

So what this means, if you haven't guessed already, is that my heart attack diet has gotten me down to a size 16.

Yep. I've lost about 72 pounds since May, and 25 since I started my new job in September. All because I no longer have an appetite.

I don't recommend this diet to anyone, but I can't really argue with the results.

I can buy clothes at The Gap!

Also, I don't think I'll ever buy clothes at The Gap ever again. I hate them. They're total assholes. I don't need to deal with that shit. But the point is, I could buy clothes at The Gap if I wanted to buy clothes at The Gap.


Blogger Rabbitch said...

I thought you were hot 72 lbs. ago. Good to see you posting again, babycakes. Try not to die or something, k?

4:08 AM  
Blogger Janice in GA said...

Great Zeus, woman. 30 years ago I did something similar. It's the only time I weighed less than 100 lbs. Of course, I nearly killed myself, and it messed me up for YEARS.

I don't recommend it.

(But I'm feeling MUCH better.)

Where ya gonna be on 2/5?

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My last breakup was good for 20 pounds in a month. Jeez, I can't recommend it, but the results were fabulous.

Now, when you do eat, make it healthy! Whole grains, veggies, fruits, and lots of falafel.

7:52 PM  
Blogger Trixie said...

Hey stranger!! Love to see you on 2/5. I will make the time if you wanna see one another. Need a ride somewhere? Place to stay? I wanna see what a size 16 looks like on you :) And then I wanna get a hug because it's been too long. Call. Write. Smoke Signal me.

7:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I am happy to hear that you will be in town. Maybe we can do lunch or something.

9:49 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

So guess who worked at the Gap in high school? I'll give you three guess... Come on now, I bet you've already guessed - starts with an S ends with an E. Ha! Did I get a little smile there? Drop me a line and come up anytime, especially if you feel the need to see snow, we have an abundance of it at the moment.
Me & the boys

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Claudia said...

YO - good to see you again online. In person would be nice too. Depending when your appointment is, maybe we could do lunch with Ms. Melissa somewhere in Midtown? Take care!

1:27 PM  

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