when i think back on all the crap i learned in high school it's a wonder i can think at all

Today is the last day of March for my red and pink Project Spectrum goodness. I've been working on the silk camisole but there's no way I'll finish it tonight. I do have my next project planned for the orange/yellow month of April; it could go either into March or April. But I really want to finish one project before I start it. Also, I am one month away from the certification exam I'm taking, and uh...studying. I know nothing. Why am I doing this again? (Don't answer that, Trixie.)

It's also the due date of a zillion things at work today and I've been working almost non-stop since Tuesday. Last night I worked until 1:30 AM and woke up and started working again at 6:30 AM this morning. No knitting has been done during this time.

So sad.

you shut your mouth how can you say i go about things the wrong way

I had an horrendous day at work and I don't want to talk about it except to say I am escaping by playing with my new computer and watching reruns of my new addiction TV show, "Charmed." Laugh all you want. I can't stop watching. It comes on right after Buffy in the morning. And why is Buffy on at the same time as Angel every morning?

And after having seen so many episodes I really want to buy The Smiths from the iTunes Music Store (because obviously I can't get "How Soon is Now?" out of my head - for those of you who don't know, it's the theme song to "Charmed") and they have no Smiths there, and Morrissey singing it live isn't the same. Is it because of the lawsuit that it's not there?

and all day long i was thinking i was thinking this that and the other

Don't you think it's the height of inconsideration to be having massive construction done on your home and not bother to tell your neighbors who might just work at home and so they have to deal with the sounds of jackhammering and chainsaws and what the fuck is that noise now on the street plus the motherfucking trucks are blocking my driveway and The Man Who Lives in the House can't leave to go to work let alone they're blocking the street during rush hour and people are leaving to go to work and my new fancy-schmancy Apple-Intel hybrid computer is coming this morning and they're preventing the UPS guy from being able to deliver it?

Yeah, me too.

Here's my shitbuttsnatchugly toe-up sock in progressYou can't see it but the short rows look like ass. And then, about five minutes after I took this picture, guess what Beans did with the fun pointy thing?Yes, those were my Lantern Moon rosewood needles, whyever would he break a cheap as fuck DPN?

a white moon's hot the other side's not hang me

I got some red and white striped sock yarn from Jane (let me know when you get my payment, Jane, I sent the check) and decided this yarn was too fabulous to waste with my usual cuff-down recipe, so hey! Let's try a toe-up sock! So I checked out a few different techniques and then thought, well, everyone tries Wendy's advice (do I really need to link to her?) so I flipped on over to Knitty and read her article with three different techniques on how to knit a toe-up sock and away I went.

So I thought.

Not feeling up to a crochet hook and waste yarn, I tried the figure eight technique. Big fucking mistake. You're left with the end of a figure eight and nothing to anchor your yarn to before you start knitting it and everything just falls apart and I'm all thumbs and yeah. Not working. I think, when I get my new computer (this week, Amazon? Please?) I'll be able to take pictures using my new camera and do a photo essay as to why the figure eight technique both sucks and blows goats.

So I read the third technique, and it says it's the easy technique.

Hmmph.

In the instructions, Wendy cast on 8 stitches and doubled it to 16 stitches for a 48 stitch-around sock. Uh, what's the math there? Cast on one-sixth (or one-third) of the number of stitches for your sock? Since I don't understand the mechanics behind the toe-up sock as yet, having not, you know, actually made one in my lifetime, it's not feasible to ask me to interpret the math here. I figure my sock needs 64 stitches. That works out to 10.66666666666666666666666 stitches if we go by the one-sixth calculation or 21.33333333333333333333333 stitches for the one-third calculation.

Still not willing to make a wee little sock for half of my foot, and not willing, oddly enough, to chop my foot in half, I decided on the first, and ostensibly, most difficult, short-row technique. I have never had a problem with short rows before.

I ended up with utterly the wrong number of stitches. Also, it says to knit the wrap along with the stitch. This is impossible to do on the purl rows. This is not easy to do on the knit rows. Then you have some stitches with two wraps. Do you knit both wraps? Just the most recent one? Just the oldest and first one? Neither? How the fuck do you do this? There's NO WAY these directions can make sense to anyone. I deal with usability and readability and understandability issues all day long at work. Stuff like this frustrates me. It shouldn't be like this. I am a patient knitter with an endless supply of "I can do that, if I wanted to"-itness.

I'm marking time right now until I get the FUCKING RESPONSE FROM BLUE MOON FIBER ARTS, hellloooooooooooooo? Sock knitter here, wanting to knit your sock, can't do it if your pattern is filled with errors, don't give me any shit about giving answers to the KALers, not everyone is a joiner, you know. I shouldn't have to go to the KAL, of which I am NOT a member, and mind you, I'm not dissing anyone who is a member, I just choose not to be one, and find the answers to my question. I should have received a response, even IF it were to direct me to the KAL for the response. Send me somewhere, just respond, already, and don't assume that everyone in the Sock Club is in the KAL. It's bad business.

So what's the end result? I have a crooked sock toe now. It works, but it isn't pretty, and I'm not sure it's long enough. I have a puzzling pattern for another pair of socks that I can't start until I get a response. I have a ton of usability issues with the interwebs.

Trust me, you don't want to work with me. I'm so very, very, very fucking picky.

dark in the city night is a wire steam in the subway earth is a fire

I met a friend for dinner on Saturday night, and there we were, merrily eating our Persian food, and I narrated the odd doings behind her, that the owner came out and lit a candle on this shrine-y altar thing, and then 10 minutes later lit another, and so on, until six candles were lit, and then not two minutes later, I told her to turn around NOW because one of the candles had set fire to the plastic floral arrangement next to it and WHOOSH! the restaurant was up in flame in one corner and the waiters stood around looking until duh, they figured out they could throw water on the flames and the fire went out, leaving only a mild char stain on the wall and ceiling and a burnt melted plastic floral arrangement and a godawful stench in the restaurant, luckily we were on our third cups of Turkish coffee each, and were about to leave. Here's the cite of the burning altar:I met Melissa on Saturday afternoon and nobody else showed up but that's okay, we had fun and shopped for office supplies and knit.

Elisa asked: With your pattern, can you get a pair of socks out of two skeins, or do you need three? I've got size 10 feet myself, and have a pattern that uses just two skeins, but I'd like a pattern with a tighter gauge, I think.

I can get a pair of socks out of two skanks of Supermerino. The handpainted stripes is a different story, because each skank has 188 yards, not 108 (or whatever the number is) on the regular skanks. But I made these socks from two skanks, and I have a handful leftover. I did them on size 6 needles, not perhaps the tightest knit in the world, but I could have done them on size 5, which is what I did the striped ones on, and still had enough yarn. You won't get knee socks out of them, though.

and i feel like a beetle on its back and there's no way for me to get up

Jane is having a moving sale, check it out, y'all. Help her destash so she has more room for stash in her new house.

So here are the socks I finishedArtyarns Supermerino, my sock yarn of choice, my own pattern, but I think it was 44 stitches on size 5 needles, made for my giant ass size 11 feet. Afterthought heel. I'm in a sock rut. But I wanted to start the socks from the STR Club, and dude, the instructions are written for "medium" or "large," with no fucking definitions of what "medium" and "large" means. I'm making them for someone who is a size 8. Is that medium? If I were to make them for myself, would I be a large? Usually I'm deemed an extra large. Will they fit me? Why are the instructions so fuzzy? I'm gonna write to them and ask.

the problem of leisure what to do for pleasure

I finished My So-Called Scarf almost two weeks ago.This shows the true color, while this very pink image shows the stitch off.This was for Project Spectrum. I have tons more red and pink things about the house to pick up, such as some great pink sock yarn, the Rockstar scarf that's half done, and the silk camisole. I finished the other sock (look last week to see - the second one looks exactly the same and the stripes match up and everything) and now I'm looking for what to do next. Thoughts?

I was really hurt yesterday by someone at work, and I don't know if I have the heart to do this anymore. If anything, the comments made just make me feel more worthless and less able to say anything anymore.

come on board i promise you you won't hurt the horse we treat him well we feed him well there's lots of room for you on the bandwagon

Okay, peeps, it was an easy thing when there was one Anonymous posting, because I knew it was Vitriola, and when Sarah was being all secretive and stuff, and I even know when other people post comments telling me to shut up and calling me a bitch, but now I'm confused. And I'm a stone's throw away from moving my blog, I await only my new computer and the time to do the design etc. etc. so it isn't worth my upgrading to Haloscan yet.

In any event, I still welcome your comments, all of them, on the previous post. Even when you post as Anonymous and I have no idea who you are. It's something I have to think long and hard about. The Man Who Lives in the House...let's just say he's not much help.

Yesterday evening, I got my first Rockin' Sock Club package and yeah, the yarn is nice and yeah, I'll make that sock pattern, but the very best part about it is thisThe emergency sock yarn keychain. Penny included for scale. I'm itching to make socks. Well, I've been making them, of course, but I'm itching to make these socks. I did finish the ones I started last year for Enabling Alcoholic my MIL and I finally got around to sending them to her.Regia something or other. Yarn purchased from Herrschner's or Cast on Cottage or someplace else long ago. Pattern my own design using techniques in the Twisted Sisters Sock Workbook (?) and Folk Socks.

So, there's a nice boring post, which I will finish with the JenLa meme.

1. A blog which that you think people have not discovered.

Unnnnnngh. I hate these. I feel like there's a right or wrong answer. People, I know some of you read my blog, but if you don't comment, I can't read yours. Hypocritically, I almost never comment, because I am a loser and a geek and a nerd and I have nothing to say that anyone wants to hear anyway.

Conversely, if you do comment, I *can* read your blog. That is how I discovered Ann and Wandering Cyberspace through the Cornfields. She's always full of wisdom when commenting on my blog, and I enjoy her posts (even if I don't comment, sorry, my bad, see the part above where I refer to myself as a loser, etc.).

2. A blog whose author lives close to you physically. Just get as close as you can, it’s all relative.

I think the person who lives closest to me physically is Melissa at la la la. She also works around the corner from me.

3. An unusual or weird animal picture.

Imbrium's cat pope hat on Nerd Knits.

4. An entry that made you laugh and got you strange looks from family or co-workers.

A little over a year ago, Janice in GA from Knitting, with Dogs won some Karabella Lace Mohair from me from a blog contest. I met her at the SnB one night to give her her prize, and a few days later, she posted this. It still makes me laugh out loud.

5. An idea you wish you’d thought of.

Rabbitch's putting the word "ass" in front of any other word to make a new word (e.g., assferret, assmonkey, assbeagle, asstrumpet) or combining it in a phrase (e.g., bucket of boiled ass).

6. Something you’d like to knit.

The Alien Scarf from Stitch 'n' Bitch that Hockey Mom made. Hockey Mom, your pictures aren't up anymore. I'm thinking Karabella Aurora 8. Except I lost my copy of the book.

7. A picture of something you consider beautiful

The plum blossoms on Quiddity by Jane. Actually, all of Jane's photographs are beautiful.

8. A blog whose author you’d like to one day meet in person

That would be JenLa. I had plans to drink and knit and have a slumber party, complete with pillows fights and talking about boys, with Jen, but then she totally blew me off to go to LA. Feh. I'm trying not to take that one personally, Jen. (Also, since JenLa does have two authors, La, naturally I'd give my left tit to meet you as well.)

9. A blog of someone you have already met in person.

Mouse from Knotty Mouse. And we IM more often than we (I) ought to, but she helps me keep a semblance of sanity by letting me vent. Thank you, Mouse.

look through the window and what do you see i'm looking through a pane of glass

I interviewed for another job last week. It's a job I'd love, I'd be damn good at it, and I'd be incredibly, unbelievably comfortable doing it. My amazingly low self-esteem rears its ugly head about once a day to tell me that I'm useless, no good, not good at my job, unqualified to do what I'm doing, blah blah blah. I don't think I'd have that problem with this other job. My interview went well, I think, especially compared to the last job interview I had (last year, for the job I currently have).

But I got to thinking.

The co-worker I've been teaching to knit has decided she wants to make scarves for her friends for Christmas. I asked her about fiber, color, stitch, etc. Her response was as follows: "I just want to learn something new with every new project."

So I taught her how to purl and she's well on her way to making a ribbed scarf (one strand of Manos, one of Cracksilk Haze, and one of Cracksilk Spray) and then I thought about why I really wanted this other job. And I thought about how my co-worker is relishing the thought of expanding her abilities and taking on new challenges, and I am uncomfortable in my current position because it's hard and a stretch and beyond my vast amount of experience in one particular area and I want to hide in my shell like a turtle and pretend the entire world is the world that I see. I feel like a reverse Yertle the Turtle. I need to be more like Yertle, if only to expand my horizons and see that there's more out there than my little comfort zone world of high-tech electronic records management. I realizehat my knitting projects of late have been safe and ho-hum, if satisfying, in standard stockinette socks and mitts and gloves and hats. I'm need to be better than that, because I am better than that. I need to mix hats in with something more complex. I need to embrace the ideas of my co-worker, who wants to learn everything she can about this new hobby she's taken to.

The new job is a hat, or a garter stitch scarf on big needles, quick to complete and providing a brief moment of satisfaction. My current job is the cocksucking intarsia. When I finish it, I will feel unbelievably accomplished.

And I just began an intarsia project. And I'm already planning my next two.

grab your things i've come to take you home

I had a whole thing planned for yesterday that I really want to write about knitting as an allegory of life and I came up with it during a very serious convedarsation with The General and it acuallly applied, a non-knitter used my knitting metaphorts to understandtheconbversation. So I'll tell you all that sometime when i am not completely drunk on margaritas at 2 am ("we cant let you break your streak of drinking to exceess evety night you're in dc"). So I'll end with the fact that i leave tomorrow night after breakfast with tricxies and thAT you need to see this trailer right now.

oh save me save me from tomorrow

Everything's great and hunky-dory an wonderful adn it was a great ady. And here's a picture of the silok camisole I've been making from Last Minute KNitted Gifts.

no we're never gonna quit ain't nothing wrong with it just acting like we're animals

So I taught (reminded) a co-worker how to knit last month, and I gave her 1.5 skeins of Wool-ease Thick and Quick and had her go to town on a nice garter stitch scarf with ten stitches. And I asked her a few times how it was going and she was non-committal and I figured she wasn't happy. She told me this week that she was ready to end it, so we met for lunch today. And I pulled the scarf out of the plastic bag. And it was eight feet long.Note that it's pretty much touching the floor on each side of her. And she loves it. And laughed hysterically at my reaction. And she's ready for her next project. So, if you're working at my LYS of choice, I need to get yarn before we meet for umm, falafel?

Oh, and to the comments I got about my hair: it is straightened. You don't even want to see it frizzy.

can someone help me i think that i'm lost here lost in a place called america

Ugh. Too much going on in my life right now. Can't handle it. Do I drink another beer right now (chocolate stout) or drink plum green tea (made up my own recipe)? Do I dare to eat a peach? I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.

So, the wonderful yet anti-Semitic Eliot aside (shall I part my hair behind?), I decided today that my hair looks like a helmet. In a bad way. In the Sally Field in Steel Magnolias way. It needs to be three inches shorter to be Louise Brooks and three inches longer to be Bettie Page. Incidentally, two of the hottest women ever to live. I'd like to think that were I alive in the 1920s or Lulu alive and in her heyday today, she's go for me. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she? When you're obsessed with flappers, finding one who's bi is perhaps not overly difficult, but still. I mean, there's always Tallulah Bankhead. But I've been told I have way more of a Tallulah personality by someone recently, and that I was Tallulah more than Lulu or Clara except I still look like Clara, my hair is naturally frizzy and red.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, my hair.

this is a song about 16 year old girls giving carnies head for free rides and hits of pot

Yeah, I know if you're reading this post you probably haven't read the one I wrote four hours ago, below this one, but Jess said she looked forward to my drunk blogging and even though I had been drinking when I wrote yesterday's post, I had only two beers, and now I've had like 14 or something so I'm slightly more uh. Drunkish. Drunkenish? I was at Trixie's last night in Virginia and we drank a little tiny bit and watched really weird reality tv featuring dwarves and freaky cultish Mormons who home-schooled their 16 (!) children and built their own homes and I finished this sockand if you think it's easy to code html when you're drinkenish you're so fucking wrong, it'snot.

But so I was regaling Jess with the story of the Carnival of Death and she said it wasn't clear that the carnival was like 100 feet from the front entrance of the K-Mart so I thought I'd make that clear and she also said she's never seen a strip mall parking lot carnival and how is that possible? I leave the vote you all y'all, have you seen carnivals of death or have you never heard of them? And then she told me all about the Montgomery (MD) County Fair and we decided we must go on pain of death this year and she said the Gravitron played Bon Jovi and dude, Vitriola, can you just picture Kym M. trying to commit suicde by plastic spork in the cafeteria because she'd heard from a friend of a friend that Jon Bon Jovi had AIDS? We also played Mad Libs and I suck at reading them when the story ends up being about a runny honeymoon in sore-covered Mexico where the evening is spent on the toilet.

And I staggered home after I disovered there's a place with a signthat reads "Falafel Fries" and that makes me so happy and I staggered being thinker than I drunk I was and saw the neatly lined up cocksucking intarsia Burning Down the Huddle House on ym bed and I just want to stay up all night knitting more of it while listening to Kanye West. Is that wrong?

to have ambitions was my ambition but i had nothing to show for my dreams

Soooo...I'm sure you've all been desperate and anxious and fascinated to see if I was actually going to do the cocksucking intarsia Wobbly Circles tote in the new Interweave Knits.

Yes. Yes, I am.

Abd to prove it, I went to my favorite enablers and personal yarn shoppers and with Jessica, picked out these fabulous, 1970s Burger King/current Waffle House colorsThat's Nashua Julia in, left to right, French Pumpkin, Espresso, Harvest Spice, Golden Honey, and Ladies Mantle. This is going to be ktschy and wonderful and then Jess told me about how the Huddle House in South Carolina burned down and they made up the song "Burning Down the House, Huddle House." So this is my Burning Down the Huddle House tote. Here's my progress, and note the neat and utterly untangled yarn butterflies underneath.No, intarsia doesn't suck cocks at all. Not at all. And anyone who believed that sentence, I have a nice big strap-on for you to suck on.

the pigs have won tonight now they can all sleep soundly and everything is alright

Today's post is a cop-out, I know. Forgive me, I'm utterly swamped. Hopefully I'll have more time after I go to DC (tomorrow, for a week, I'm letting you know now, because for some reason people seem to be confused as to where I am at any given time and everyone assumes I'm in DC when they don't even bother to ask me, people, come on, it's not like I'm not accessible).

In any case, I took this quiz and how fucking perfect is this result for me, the one who everyone calls a drama queen?

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Oh yeah, and everyone go play this game.

si yo no te tengo yo prefiero la muerte porque eres tu la magia de mi piel

I LOVE Carnivals of Death. One summer, Vitriola and I went to every one we passed in the Albany NY area. Some weird stoned guy running the Spider (sometimes called Octopus or Scrambler) was all about hitting on Vitriola. So when my friend called to say there was a Carnival of Death in the parking lot of the K-Mart near her house, we knew we had to go. Last night, The Man Who Lives in the House and I drove over to her house, picked her and her friend up, and prepared for a fun! and festive! evening at El Carnaval de la Muerte (since it's in a largely Hispanic area of town, we had to use the Spanish terminology). The ticket booth made us wait for a long time, when we went to get new tickets, because a family was confused over pricing.Our first ride was the Sea-Ray, which in upstate New York at The Great Escape amusement park was called the Viking. This swings back and forth but never goes all the way around, which confused The Man because he didn't understand why we weren't really strapped in until the ride ended.I didn't get a good picture pf the crow's nest on it, but it was shaking and enhanced the enjoyment of the ride in that we were never certain when it was going to fall off entirely and hit us. But here's a shot of the parking lot while on the rideand this shows just how popular the ride was, since The Man and I were in the last seat on one side, and my friends were in the last seat on the other.
I also made the three of them ride the Gravitron (called The Rotor at The Great Escape) and we rode the Ferris wheel and the thing that's like the Gravitron but is outside and you're in wire cages and it was really REALLY fucking cold.

And afterwards, feeling sick, we decided it would be a good idea to go to eat Bangladeshi food at one of our favorite restaurants, Panahar.

And that's why I feel kinda sick today.

now i am a real sickie guess i'll have to break the news that i got no mind to lose

Well, that's one vote for the mitt pattern. And a slew of silents. But for you types who, like me, never comment even though you read a post, I'll post it as soon as I can get a decent picture of me wearing them, not on my camera phone. I'm going batshit insane (did I use the term correctly? Jodi, I think Hockey Mom has to judge our use of that term) until my new MackBook Pro arrives (estimated May fucking 3rd, when I'll be in DC, and really insane from work, so it looks like mid-May to me) because I can't upload to my iBook, it's so sick. Anyway, here are some random images I took while out and about yesterday:I want one of these with FSM on it.These were outside of Trixie's house. I got to wait for the rat man who never showed up. Then I met Melissa for breakfast at J. Christopher's. See, I can get out of the house every so often!

you said go slow i fall behind the second hand unwinds

I have a tremendous backlog of things I've promised to post. Here's a placeholder, and a place for you to let me know what I've missed.

1. Costa Rica pictures. These are unfortunately on The Man Who Lives in the House's computer, and it's hard for me to get access to that, ever, because he sleeps with it in his arms. Seriously. And those 17" Powerbooks are really heavy.

2. The Pluckyfluff fingerless mitts, I finished them over a month ago and I was gonna show them off. A couple of people have requested the pattern I made up for them. Is there any interest at all in me posting the pattern here?

3. Progress on My So-Called Scarf, and I'm so in love with the yarn and the pattern. And I want to make more.

4. I have a contest in mind, but I need to figure out how to best word it. There will be either one big prize or three smaller prizes.

5. I am donating some Cherry Tree Hill Supersock (and I had it before all of the hubbub, so relax, please) to the person who submits sock number 1,763 of the 2006Socks Amie is counting down. I've submitted three so far and am about to submit two more, so get on it, people!

6. I made the second hat in the hunter orange Karabella Aurora 8 and put pompons on both hats. This was my first experience, ever, with pompons. Seriously. I messed up the second one, big time, so I'm not sure about making them again, or maybe Pandora (my iPod nano) just isn't the right tool for pompon-making. And yes, I spell it "pompon." I think it's the original and more accurate spelling, although I do understand that "pompom" is accepted as an alternate spelling nowadays. I hate when the English language changes because people misspell or misuse words. People should learn to spell and speak correctly, instead of the language changing to suit them. Next thing you know, "irregardless" will become a bonafide word, and nobody will even know what "regardless" or "irrespective" mean anymore. People already use "nauseous" in place of the correct "nauseated." Napoleon (if you've been reading me for awhile you know who he is, otherwise, check the archives from January and February 2005) used to (well, he might still) say something was a "missive" when it was an error. The word is MISTAKE. A "missive" means a "letter." RRRRRRRRR. Assmonkey.

why can't i get just one fuck why can't i get just one fuck

To the person who reached my blog by typing, "fuck alamance county in north carolina," I feel the same way. Oh, wait, if you were trying to get a fuck, might I recommend a certain someone at a gas station there? Dude, at least you could try adultfriendfinders. When they say head shots, they MEAN head shots.

So, does anyone know how to get broken snowglobe glitter out of fabulous umm...wet sheep and rabbit moldy smelling yarn from New Zealand?

Sarah, my incredibly awesome Fiber Fairy Godmother, who enjoys my drunken blogging, I have to tell you, I laughed. Here I get a package from New Zealand, I saw the return address and knew it was you and you were my FG, and it's a plastic waterproof envelope sealed up tight, and then I opened it up and everything was wet. First, there was this beautiful but soggy postcard (and the picture isn't showing up) and then there was this red yarn, so soft and uh, wet, and please please let me know what it is!and then this brown yarn, I think it's called "Naturally Sensation" that is 70% merino and 30% angora, SO incredibly wonderful and wet and smelly and covered in glitterand then there was this chocolate that I will be breaking into as soon as I get back from the gym tonightand then the most wonderful snowglobe of a sheep which so sadly broke in transit and alas, such was my chance to get a snowglobe of New Zealand, somewhere I have no snowglobe from (and the picture isn't showing up) I cannot wait to use my goodies, and eat my chocolate, and uh, seriously, does anyone know how to get broken snowglobe glitter out of wet smelly yarn from New Zealand? And while we're at it, how should I dry it out?

you can go around in circles and never find the perfect lover

Huh. I don't think I've ever quoted Joan Jett before. There's probably a reason for that, and if you know me, you know why. It has to do with The Man Who Lives in the House. Still, no reason to exclude an entire library of music.

First, a public shout-out, yo, to Hockey Mom, who inspired me to try my hand at My So-Called Scarf, which I guess is payback for my part in inspiring her to do Seven of Nine Branching Out. It isn't going to work in the Blue Sky Bulky, but it gave me the perfect thing to do with the red and pink Hand Maiden Ottawa I had in umm, the sock drawer in my closet. I have no idea why it was there. Maybe I was thinking, "Hmmm, socks, I knit socks, therefore yarn goes in this drawer." But it's not like I could knit socks out of it, so, hunh. In any case, I wound it last night and I got about halfway through winding and surprise! those fuckers had two smaller skanks wound into one bigger one. They didn't even bother to attempt to tie the two together. It was just two disparate skanks. Cocksuckers. But I've gotten 8" done already. It's quite a fast knit.

And speaking of cocksucking, I've been dreaming of doing the cocksucking instarsia. I saw the preview for Leigh Radford's Wobbly Circles felted tote in the new IK (my subscription ran out and The Man Who Lives in the House claimed he would pay for the renewal and yep, the bill sitting there on his desk, waiting to be paid, along with the invoice for Bust, but I noticed he had no trouble paying for the renewals of Make and Nuts & Volts. Oh, the joys of living with an engineer) and I am obsessed. OBSESSED. I have never felted before (I know, I know, I haven't dyed yarn either, you gonna sue me or something?) and I feel the need to start now. Here's the beauty of the pattern. If the cocksucking intarsia is massively fucked up and puckery and just plain fug on the backside, WHO WOULD KNOW? I have been eying the Teva Durham argyle vest, but I think this is a better way to give up on my New Year's resolution.

FELTING! It's such a simple solution! Now I must go buy the magazine and find some yarn and start.

Edited to add:
Yeah, wouldn't you know it, after I wrote this I went to JenLa to see La publically diss the cocksucking intarsia tote. La, how can you diss something that solves a major part of the reason intarsia sucks cocks? And it's a small project, so it wouldn't be like the colored square blocks sweater I knit a few years back (and the pictures on the pattern itself, by Sirdar, so I should have known, should go on You Knit What? which yeah, begs the question as to why the fuck I did it in the first place, in chenille, no less, and I way overestimated the amount of yarn needed, so I have enough chenille in four colors left for three more colored blocks sweaters, and the finished result was so shitbuttsnatchugly I probably burned it, or gave it away to Goodwill where it's probably still sitting there on a rack waiting for someone like Frieda Harris to grab it up and tell all of her friends how she got it for just $0.25 and wasn't it a steal?) where I spent forfuckingever twisting that damn chenille and had to mess with gauge and change needles when I got to certain colors of the blocks to keep gauge. It wouldn't be like that, because it's FELTED.

well i hear that train a comin' it's rollin' 'round the bend

Today's lyrics apropos of nothing.

I can't wear my uptown scarf anymore. The bulky alpaca has stretched and the thing is like, twelve feet long at this point. I think I should frog it and make something else (like another scarf, but not a garter stitch scarf with five stitches on size 35 needles). I have half a skank left, so that gives me 2.5 skanks of orange Blue Sky Alpaca bulky whatever it's called. Thoughts? I know Crazy Aunt Purl is making something similar, now, but I haven't decided whether I want to make that or not. I leave it up to you. What stitch pattern should I use for the scarf?